Epic Robot

Ick

2012-02-26T13:48:00.001-07:00

I had a blog post all planned out for today. I was actually looking forward to writing it, but something happened that completely changed what I wanted to talk about.

Most of you probably don't know this, but I don't get sick very often, and even when I do I actually find it hard to make myself call in sick to work. It's dumb, but I feel bad when I don't go into work, because all I can think about are the people at work being busy and I'm just laying in bed. It's horrible. Anyway, the point of the matter is, I'm sick.

Let me tell you about me trying to plan a novel while I'm sick.

I talk to my characters in order to figure out what's going on in the books I"m writing. Yes, I know, this makes me sound crazy. Nevertheless, this is the way I do things. Normally 'talking' to them consists of them showing me scenes or pictures that I interpret. Very rarely they actually speak. When I'm sick, though, that connection is a little like trying to watch television back in the rabbit ears days. If that's not bad enough, it's also when it was snowing outside, so the reception is terrible. The sound is gone, and even the pictures are fuzzy.

It's frustrating to say the least, and I'm pretty sure that even my characters are starting to feel it at this point. My poor Jayne Pheare is in complete distress, because I've been promising her that I would be seriously planning her story starting this week, but nothing that she's trying to tell me is actually getting through. (Though I did finally figure out her assassin name last night, thanks to Eric.)

Needless to say, it makes planning a novel rather impossible. I can sit with that notebook open in front of me for hours, and have Jayne yelling at the top of her lungs in the back of my head, and I still can't figure anything out.

This, of course, leaves me with a bit of a problem. As I said in my last post, my goal for having the first draft of Pandora written is the end of March. That means it needs to be ready to deliver into the hands of my critique group (at least the first chapter) by the second day of April.

How am I supposed to do that when I can't even plan right now? Planning takes much longer for me than the actual writing does, so right about now I'm actually beginning to freak out. Being sick was not in the plan! In fact, now is pretty much the worst time for me to be sick. I need this stupid cold to go away so that I can get back to the important things. Like writing down everything my character's trying to tell me about her story.

I suppose the best I can do it try and get better as fast as I possibly can so that I can have as much time as possible to get the planning done. I just hope that this one ill timed sickness doesn't completely set me back, because I plan to have The Commons in the hands of beta readers by the end of April, and querying it no later than the beginning of June.

Good luck to me.

Time To Prioritize

2012-02-22T11:32:00.000-07:00

I have never been someone that can have just one project going at a time. I get bored with it and start wondering off to do other things, such as reading or catching up on tv shows. (The fact that I do these things even when I have multiple projects on the go is completely besides the point...)

Anyway, I currently have about 6 projects on the go, each at a different stage of the writing/editing process. I have my Dangerous Waters, a fantasy novel that I wrote last year and didn't look at for a few months until we started critique group. I've also written the second novel, Changing Tides but as I haven't finished the edits on the first one, you can bet that I haven't even so much as glanced at the second one. Considering how many chapters I'm having to rewrite, or just add altogether, I'm actually a little afraid to find out how bad the second one is.

I have The Commons, a YA dystopian that is set in a world where more than three quarters of the population was wiped out in the fourth world war. The remaining people have separated into two societies. The Commons and The Techs. This novel is the one that I finished and thought 'I'm going to get this published.' I have absolute confidence in it and can't wait to test the waters and see what agents and publishers think of it. I currently have it going through critique group.

Wolf's Blood is an urban fantasy that I started writing with a friend some time last year. Unfortunately, we're both quite busy, so we've only managed to write a whole 5 chapters, but as we're still talking to each other I'm counting it as a success.

Since November I've had this idea for a book bouncing around in my head. It's about a werewolf assassin, and her name is Jayne Pheare (That's her real name, don't know her assassin name yet.) The book itself is, unfortunately, untitled. I have lots of work to do on it, as I'm still in the planning stages for this novel (including working out a brand new city for it with the help of my dear friend Eric) I'm very excited for this novel, but I just haven't had time to sit down and really connect with Jayne. (I have to say, she's being very patient. She only got annoyed that one time when I pulled out a brand new character and started paying attention to her...)

I also have two more collaborations in the works, but both are untitled and in the planning stages with only the bare bones placed, and not even nailed down yet.

This past week, though, I've had some time to think about these projects, and the priority I've been giving each. (This 'time' has been while at work, or travelling back and forth between different social engagements...not actual time that I had to sit down and plan or edit. Trust me, that's what I would have been doing if it was.)

Much as I love Dangerous Waters, lately I've been finding it harder and harder to concentrate on it. In fact, on more than one occasion, I've actually considered shelving it indefinitely. That there was just too much work that needed to be done on it to conceivably finish the series, and it's time to move onto greener pastures. I don't actually want to do that, though. I love the series, and I do think that it has some serious potential. But I've been so frustrated with it, I can no longer see the potential, all I see is a pile of crap that needs be thrown out.

In order to keep myself from doing that very thing, I decided that it's time to re-prioritize my writing projects. Instead of throwing two full manuscripts in the trash and walking away, I've decided that they should be shelved only for a little while. This will (hopefully) give me enough of a break from the project to clear my head and allow me to see what needs to be done without wanting to bang my head on a desk. Repeatedly.

Unfortunately, this leaves me with nothing to be working on so I can send out some queries, come May. In order to fill that, I've decided to pull The Commons from the critique group. This book is one that I'm actually quite excited about. I can see it on the shelves for sale, and I want it to get it out there. I'm hopeful that this is the right move, and I can't wait to finish editing the rest of the novel so I can start working on those queries.

That, of course, leaves me with an opening on what I'm sending into critique group. So I've decided that for the next month or so I'm going to have a strong focus on my Jayne Pheare book. (I can get a first draft written in about 10 days, but I have to have it completely plotted out, which takes quite a bit of work.)

As for my collaborations, those will stay the same. I can't just sit down and work on them all day, so I will do what I can when I can, as I have been doing thus far. I just hope that my next chapter for Wolf's Blood doesn't take me 4 months again...

Now I just need to get my critiques done so I can get on top of this planning. The goal is to have Jayne Pheare written in full by the end of march so I can get started on some serious edits for The Commons. Let's hope this works, because this is the Epic Year of Querying, and I need to start getting some work out to agents and publishers!

So Behind!

2012-02-19T15:45:00.000-07:00

On Wednesday I told you all about my critique group, which (in case I didn't tell you then) I actually love. A lot. And I'm seriously excited about this Monday when we get to see what everyone came up with for some writing prompts that were sent out.

Now, I actually finished my stories for Monday on Friday. And I was happy that I managed it, because I was having some difficulties with the second short story I was writing. You see, I started writing it on Thursday, and by Friday I was a fair bit into it. It was sitting at 1500 words, and I had it open and was staring at it during #FNTWP, when I realized why I wasn't willing to write as much as I normally am.

Nothing was happening in it. I mean, at all. The story was starting to read like the first chapter of a novel, with world building to boot.

Don't get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoyed the world. In fact, I may find myself writing about that world in the near future. Unfortunately, the way it was reading wasn't good for a short story. I had to somehow put a whole lot of tension and conflict into the last 1500 words, and I didn't even know where the story was going. I didn't have a good enough grasp on the character, or the setting, to be effective doing it.

Of course, this realization came only after a comment was made by a twitter friend (L.S. Taylor) asked me if maybe there wasn't any tension in it. That was when I went back and reread what I had written so far (something I don't usually do for fear that I'll not want to finish writing it because it's just that bad). And it was that bad. I had a moment of sitting there staring dumbly at the screen, thinking 'what the hell am I going to do now', and then another story idea hit me.

There wasn't even a moment's hesitation after I had that random idea. I instantly closed that document, opened another and was off. I finished the story some three hours later (though it is sitting at 3650 words, and needs to be cut down closer to 3000).

Now, of course, I have 2 full short stories (totaling about 6850 words) and 2 chapters (totaling about 5000 words) to edit before tomorrow. I'm sitting at work, wondering if I will possibly have time to do it all, and kicking myself for not getting it done sooner. I probably shouldn't be so hard on myself, after all, if I had finished that second story any sooner, it wouldn't be what it is right now. I would still be holding onto that first story that was going nowhere, and I would have heard about it from my critique group come Monday.

Unfortunately I'm stuck trying to get it all done today so that I'm ready for tomorrow. (Technically I have until the end of the day to get in my submission for next week, but as tomorrow is going to be a full day, I just don't have time to work on it. Which means I must have it done tonight!!)

Well, I suppose I should really get on it so I can get caught up. Wish me luck!!

Why Do I Do This To Myself?

2012-02-16T01:20:00.000-07:00

Ever since I started doing nano, I have discovered that I suddenly have a life. Where I was once a hermit who stayed in my room pretty much 95% of of the time, I now find myself going out more days than staying in. Seeing my friends, going to movies, I even am part of a poker night. (Don't get worried, it's a $2 buy in. Any more than that and I would probably be backing away from the table, shaking my head.). I'm also part of a critique group, which has been awesome in helping me to see my work in a new light.

Normally the way our critique group works is that we each send in a chapter (or two) of our current novel, and two people critique it. (There are six people in our group, but we've broken up into two groups of three, because critiquing five selections would just take far too much time.) We get together every two weeks to deliver the critiques to each other, and (at least I find) they help us to fix that chapter, or edit the next chapter. Hell, it even helps us to fix our work as we're writing it. Since I've started critique group, even my first drafts are getting better. I'm more aware of my word choice, and description (though I still have a long way to go with that last one)

This month, though, we decided to try something a little different. I'm not entirely sure if we'll ever do it again, as this is just an experiment (and I don't know about everyone else, but there's just so much to do this week!)

Anyway, on Monday we're going to have our first ever 'writing night'. Unlike our nano meets, where we just get together and work on our own individual manuscripts, for this writing night an assignment (or two) were sent out. Each assignment had their own set of rules that we had to follow, including no beta readers, and they had to be done for Monday, when we're going to read them aloud to the group. Of course critiques will come in when the rest of the group weighs in on on what we've been working on all week.

My first confession: I'm the one who created the assignments, and set the rules.

On Sunday night I was frantically looking through pictures trying to find pictures, and reading through books to find writing prompts. Despite what you may think, I definitely didn't have an advantage on everyone else. I didn't look for the pictures or prompts ahead of time, as it was all done the night before I had to send it out. But I did get it out.

My second confession: I apparently don't want to follow the rules.

Which is terrible, because I wrote the bloody rules. Literally. I keep wanting to get one of my coworkers to read it for me. Then I have to remind myself that I can't. I even managed to write my first story about 200 words over the limit, meaning I now have to go back and somehow edit 200 words out of the bloody thing. Something that I am dreading doing, because I always hate cutting words out of my stories. I wrote it that way for a reason, and now I have to figure out which parts aren't actually necessary. While I'm doing it, I have to actually think about what my critique group would say.

Needless to say, I'm nervous. At one point in my life, I actually thought that I would never be able to write a novel. I proved myself wrong on that one. I've now written nine novels, with another one in the brainstorming stage, and two more collaborations I'm trying to work through. Now, though, I find it hard to put my entire thought process into a three thousand words. I can't even write a stand alone novel, for crying out loud. I think in series! Not short stories.

As this was my idea, however, I can't let myself not put my all into it. I got through the first draft of this story, and I actually think that this story was pretty good. I may change my mind when I go back and edit, but for now, I actually like this story. And I firmly believe that my critique group is the reason this story is so good.

Now I just need to get one more story done before Monday. Hopefully this one wont go over the word limit!

Aah, To Be Wanted

2012-02-13T01:00:00.001-07:00

The other day something happened that has actually never happened to me before. It surprised me. I found myself in the middle of a fight between two of my characters.

Considering the fact that I create my novels by talking to my characters, you may not find this surprising. To be exact, my characters show me scenes that I may or may not use in my novels. Often I find one scene that's shown to me that I really hold onto for each novel. It's the scene I look forward to writing, and generally enjoy writing the most. As I've discovered, not all authors actually communicate with their characters the way I do. It's all a matter of whether you write more about your characters, or your plot.

My characters, however, tend to stick to themselves. I'm not sure if any of you noticed, but I tend to work on more than one project at a time. Which means that I usually have more than one character bouncing around in my head. Actually, if you count the sub characters (who don't generally speak up, but on occasion feel they have something important they need to tell me.) I have far too many characters in my head, all yammering for attention.

The one thing that they don't do, and I have always been very grateful for this, is they don't interact with characters from other novels. This helps me feel like I have some kind of control over the organization of all different novels, as well as makes it much easier to not get a headache.

Unfortunately on Thursday night, all of that apparently changed. I am currently in the process of plotting out two different novels, but I haven't actually had a whole lot of time to spend with each character. I'm doing my best, of course, but between critique group, editing my novel, and working a full time job, let's just say that they might not all be feeling as if I am spending enough time with them.

On Thursday night, the two main characters from the two novels that I'm plotting got into a fight over who should be getting more of my attention. They were actually bickering in my head. I've never had anything like that happen before.

Before you all go throwing me into a mental institution, I suppose I should explain a little bit better. Yes, I heard them bickering, but that's only because I put voices to images. What was really happening was a large amount of scenes tumbling together, as if they were both trying to get my attention, and trying to talk over the other one.

I managed to get them to stop (I always do) but in the end, I realized that they were right. I haven't been spending enough time with them. I started these projects knowing full well that once a character appears in my head, they don't generally disappear. In fact, they become more and more insistent until I actually pay some attention to them. I should have known something like this would happen when I started two different projects at essentially the same time.

So this week, despite the fact that I am way too far behind in my editing to actually do this, I am going to try and spend at least an hour or two with each of these characters. I am going to make sure I know their back stories and my goal is to be ready to actually start plotting out the collaboration novel by the end of the week. Do I think I'll actually manage it? Who knows. Lately I seem to be becoming quite good at procrastination. The point is, though, that I'm going to try.

Look out Audra and Jayne, we're going to have nice long chats this week.

A Sad Oversight

2012-02-09T00:24:00.000-07:00

It was brought to my attention the other day that I have allowed a terrible lapse to occur. I am going to attempt to rectify this horrible mistake.

A few months ago (well...it might have been more than a few months ago...probably since about August?) I had the house to myself for a few days, and I was telling my friends about it. One such friend (You all know her as B.A. Matthews) suggested that they come over for a party. I couldn't because I had to work the next day, and told them about how I would be kicking them out after only a couple of hours.

Though we discussed still getting together to do some writing, in the end we decided to instead have our party on twitter. It was going to be a friday night, so originally we were just going to hash tag it Friday Night Party.

When it came down to it though, the hash tag ended up being #FNTWP. Friday Night Twitter Writing Party. And it was awesome. It also attracted far more people than I had thought it would.

After a night full of great conversation with other writers, insight into what others were doing, and even my own work, and actually getting some writing done, one of the final comments was 'see you next Friday.'

Of course, we had never planned for this hashtag to end up being something we did every single week. We were just going for one good night to get together while still being able to do all of the stuff we needed to do at home. We did, though. We started putting it on every single week. Even during nano, those five hours every Friday night served as a time when we could talk to fellow writers. Relieve the stress of whatever was going on with our lives. Work on whatever we were working on at that moment.

It was fantastic.

To this day we still run #FNTWP on Friday nights. We aren't always both there. Sometimes I work late, so I don't get on until about nine, but someone is usually there. If not, if you hang out long enough, eventually someone will get on.

I would encourage any writer to join in the conversation. We have a great time, and I never go away without feeling like I got something out of it, even on the nights when I don't actually get anything done. I love it, and I feel like everyone should get a chance to experience it.

Anyway, if you can't tell, I love #FNTWP. If you want to see what it's all about, drop by any Friday night between seven pm and midnight (mountain time). We'd love to see you!

The Definition of Insanity

2012-02-06T21:10:00.000-07:00

So, last week I set a goal for myself. I wanted to finish three chapters of rewrites/new chapters. I didn't have as much free time as I though I would, and I found myself procrastinating (as I always do). Still, I was able to tell myself that I would be able to get it done on Sunday. It was only three chapters, after all. It would have been better to get some of it done before hand, but I have written that much in a single day before, so I didn't foresee myself having a problem doing it.

I don't know if any of you know this, but one definition of insanity is: Doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results. I've always joked that, if this is true, then working in retail must be insane.

Yesterday I sat down all ready to do my edits. I opened the document and even started writing. I was going to get this chapter done in record time and move onto the next, because I was determined to finish the goal I set for myself. It was definitely going to happen.

I managed to make it to about five paragraphs in before I started having trouble. The words weren't flowing, and it was quickly becoming apparent that this chapter wasn't any better than the one I had just decided to rewrite. In fact, I was leaning toward it actually being worse, which definitely isn't a good thing when the whole point of rewriting is to make it better.

So I scrapped those five chapters, thinking that I could do better.

Again I managed to make it to about five paragraphs in, and again it just wasn't working, no matter what I did. The description sucked. The dialogue was utter crap, and don't even get me started on the voice. Nothing was working!

But I was determined. Those three chapters were in my sight, and I really wanted to get it all done. No, not wanted, I was going to get them done.

Once more I got started on the chapter, throwing what I had already written away and struggling through those paragraphs, trying to make them what I wanted them to be. Trying to force out the words that just weren't coming as easily as they should be.

It was around this time that I ended up getting some not so great news and was starting to feel annoyed and frustrated. I can barely get anything done when I'm in a good mood, but the way I was feeling, there was no way that editing was going to be finished.

It took a while, but I managed to get myself out of the bad mood and willing to look at the chapter without fear of ruining it completely, and that was when it hit me. There was a reason the chapter wasn't working. One that I might not have noticed if I hadn't taken that mental step back and let myself look at it with fresh eyes.

I was trying to write it from the wrong character's POV. I had originally chosen one of the characters, and when it came to rewriting, I thought I might as well stick with her. After all, I must have had a reason for why I originally chose her, right? I couldn't quite remember what that was, but I assumed that I hadn't simply picked a name out of a hat.

At this point, I still don't remember what made me chose her to begin with, but I do know what fixed the problem that I was having with the chapter. I changed the POV.

It was that simple. All of a sudden everything was working better. The words were flowing (not as well as when I write a first draft, but well enough). I didn't feel like everything that I was writing was worse than the first time around. In fact, I was pretty sure that it was better. Much better.

I only managed to get about 1000 words written, but as those words were all written some time after ten, I'm actually alright with that number. Happy with them, even. And excited that I no longer feel so bloody stuck on a chapter that I'm never going to finish.

Now, of course, I just have to finish the chapter, and move onto the next. Maybe even remind myself that I need to take a step back when I'm doing rewrites. I can't be as close to the action as I can be when I'm writing a first draft. I have to look at the writing with a much more impartial eye. I can't allow my feelings for the characters, or what I have originally written, to blind me to the flaws in my writing.

I probably won't finish this chapter tonight, and I don't know how much time I'll have to edit this week, but I'm going to set the same goal I set for myself last week. To finish the next three chapters. A week late, but better than it never getting done, right?

One Step Forward, But Standing Still

2012-02-01T22:58:00.000-07:00

Today I finished the editing for my next critique group submission. I wanted to get it done yesterday, but it seems I have become better at procrastination than I originally thought. So, I decided to be happy with finishing today, as well as getting this blog post done.

Anyway, the point of the matter is that I finished the next two chapters, and I was happy that I finished it so early in the week, even if it was a day later than I was actually hoping for. I was ahead of the game.

Unfortunately then I made the mistake of looking at my Dangerous Waters manuscript. That's the one I'm trying to get through right now. That's the one I want to have polished and ready by the end of April. That's the one I want to query and get published. It's the one I've put the most work into.

Sadly, it's also the one that still needs the most work.

A couple of weeks ago I went through the chapters I had left to edit and picked through the ones that (obviously) needed rewrites, and the ones I could try and edit. I also figured out how many chapters I would have to add in order to fix the many mistakes I made while writing the novel. (While it wasn't one of my nano novels, I still wrote it fairly quickly, and as it was one of my early novels, I didn't have the plot nailed down nearly as much as I thought when I started writing it).

Thirteen. That's the number of chapters that need to be rewritten or added altogether. I only had about twenty left to edit, so that's a fair amount.

This leaves me with a bit of a problem. All of that work certainly doesn't make me want to actually do the editing. It probably would have been better if I hadn't gone through and figured out what needed to be done. Yet I can't regret it because I've always been a planner. I actually spend more time planning them than I do writing them. So not knowing how much I was going to have to change was bothering me enough that I felt I had to do it, and I did.

Being at a stand still with Dangerous Waters, however, means more than that one novel never being finished. In fact, not finishing that novel means that all the other projects I have on the go (refer to the Progress Report section) are also not getting worked on or completed.

Sometimes I tend to get myself in over my head. For example, during nano I decided to write 200,000 words. But about five days in I changed that to 300,000 words. Most of the month I was overwhelmed and thought I wouldn't finish. I did. Just barely, but I did. Now I have all of this work, and I'm feeling overwhelmed, but for some reason I'm not really moving forward. I can get done what I need to get done for my critique group, but other than that, I'm not making any progress.

It doesn't matter that I really want to finish this novel. That I want to have it, done and complete, in my hands, and ready to send out to agents and publishers. I want to feel like I've accomplished something.

I guess I'll just have to suck it up and get down to it. Starting tomorrow (and everyday for at least a little while until Monday) I'm going to continue editing Dangerous Waters. I have a goal to finish the next three chapters by the end of Sunday. (In case you were wondering, the next three chapters are ALL rewrites, so it's going to be harder than it sounds.)

Don't worry, I'll let you know how it goes in my next post, also scheduled Sunday. Till then, happy editing!

Two Months Already?

2012-01-29T13:32:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went to our first nano meet since November. Our group is awesome, as we don't like to wait an entire year to see each other, so we meet up once a month, except for December, when we're all pretty nano-ed out (and with Christmas, it makes it hard to find a time.)

Anyway, it was fantastic. While we didn't have quite the turn out that we have during November, I got to see more than a few people who I have been missing. And it hit me while I was there...it's been two months since I've seen everybody last.

Two months. Really? I don't know about you guys, but my Christmas is always busy. December is stuffed full of shopping that no one really wants to do, travelling that leaves you tired only to see the family for maybe two days before you find yourself back to reality and trying to get back into the swing of things. For me January was nearly as busy, with me trying to keep up on the ridiculous amounts of editing I have to do for my Dangerous Waters book, along with critique group stuff. And then losing my grandfather last week and having to drop everything I was doing to go down and see the family again.

These last two months have been crammed full. They were tiring, and in some cases not all that pleasant, and I should be glad to have them done. And I am glad. I was glad that I could see the people that I am quickly coming to see as my family. I was glad to be back in the atmosphere of a group of writers just wanting to get that book done. While there wasn't the competitive nature that there is during November, just being there and seeing those people helped to remind me that just because nano is over and everything is changing, doesn't have to mean that it's all bad.

Despite how busy I've been, though, when I was sitting in that restaurant yesterday, looking around at the room full of writers that have the ability (and have managed to do so in the past) to scare waitresses and make them worry about us, I couldn't help but think 'wait, it's been two months already'?

Two months since I wrote three novels (and I'm not even done editing the one I started before nano)? Two months since I've seen everyone. Two months where I've barely written anything!

It's sad, really, that all I've written since nano ended is a single chapter that I owed a friend for a collaboration I'm doing. I try to remind myself that I've been editing, but that's not really true, either. I've been procrastinating. I've been blogging (Which I love and wont stop doing. In fact, you can start looking forward to two posts a week instead of one, at least for next month). I've been critiquing. But I haven't been doing what I should be doing, at least not with the seriousness that I should have.

So as of right now, I'm going to set this goal for myself: I am going to finish Dangerous Waters by the end of April. (Beta readers allowing, of course.) I'm going to have a new book (thus far untitled) written before the end of July (To the first draft.) And I am going to update my blog twice a week.

To be honest, I don't know if I can do all of it, but I'm certainly going to try. Because if I don't take myself seriously and force myself to do the work, can I really expect other people to take me seriously?

Wish me luck!

When Life Laughs At Your Plans

2012-01-22T15:04:00.000-07:00

Since November I have been furiously trying to get everything done. I've started the Epic Year of Querying (and I do plan on getting some of that done, I just have to finish editing first) I've joined a contest, and I've been taking this blog seriously, rather than something I thought I should do because everyone else was doing it. In other words, I've become a writer.

Just like in writing, I have plans for my life. I planned, for instance, that I would get my editing done for critique group this weekend. And that I would be hanging out with my friends. I was living my life the way I thought I should.

That was when disaster struck. You see, life never lets you do exactly what you want it to. Sometimes there are things in life that makes you drop everything you're doing. Things that usually come to you in a single phone call and you realize that your life is about to change again.

On friday, at about 5 pm, I got just such a phone call. It was from my mother, and we knew it was bad because she was crying. Though I've seen my mom cry before, she always tries to play things down for us. When she was getting an angiogram last year she told us it was 'just a test, and I'm fine.' So when we answered that phone, we knew that something was seriously wrong.

My grandfather died on friday.

We didn't spend weeks visiting him in the hospital while he drifted further and further away. We weren't mentally prepared for this to happen. He had been having some heart problems, and he even had surgery in 2010, from which he never quite recovered fully from, but his death was still a shock. He died after getting morphine for some pain. They never diagnosed what, exactly happened. All we know is that he fell asleep and his heart stopped.

My grandfather never lived near me, and yet so many of my childhood memories include him. He used to be in the marines, you know the type. Tattoos all down his arms, all of them obviously made while on a boat in the middle of God-knows-where. He handed out presents at christmas - unless he was just getting off a night shift and needed sleep. He had an argument with us when we were kids about The Lion King, because lions don't talk! He was my Papa, and I loved him.

Getting that phone call meant that all of those plans that I had got ripped apart and thrown out the window. I always imagined having kids and coming down to visit my grandma and grandpa. I never, for a second, thought that I would have to get married without him, and yet I'm not even engaged yet. Even this weekend, one that I thought would be spent with friends and having fun, I'm instead at my grandmother's house preparing to go to a funeral home.

Life has it's own plans. And these kinds of things are what makes us who we are. How do we deal with the deal of a beloved grandfather? Do we just deny it and go on with our lives? Do we let it stop us dead in our tracks? He may not have always been there, but I always knew that he was somewhere out there. Somewhere that I could go to anytime I wanted to hear some awesome stories from when he was in the marines. Or how he was trying to learn Manderin.

He's gone now, and I'm dedicating this blog post to him. I'll also be dedicating my first book to both him and my cousin. The Bryans in my life that are gone now. (Another plan that has changed.)

Papa, we love you, and we'll miss you. I hope that one day I get to see you again. Until that day, look over us and keep us safe and together. Just know that we'll remember you. Always.

The Commons - A YA novel

2012-01-17T01:52:00.000-07:00

Alright, I know that I just posted yesterday, but I have been shown a very interesting link by a friend. One that brought me to a contest. And, as I pointed out in my blog yesterday, I may be slightly competitive, and so find that I am unable to resist entering this. Check out Brenda Drake's Blog for further details. Unfortunately the contest ends tomorrow, but I'm hoping that at least some of you get to see this. Anyway, the entry is requested on the blog as well as in the comments, so here goes:

Title: The Commons
Genre: YA dystopian
Word Count: 101,000

Pitch: At the end of the Great War, the world split into two societies: The Commons and The Techs. Now the two worlds are about to collide, and neither will ever be the same again.

First 150 words:

Once these streets had been filled with tall buildings. Large concrete structures where the people went to work every day. Streets that spanned for miles that were constantly jammed with an endless stream of cares. It was hard to believe that this was all that was left. Only one grey building stretched up to the sky, but even the top of that one was jagged and unstable. The rest of the street consisted mostly of piles of concrete.

It was an all too familiar sight to Arisa, who had been travelling to all the city ruins. Each one seemed to be worse than the last, until she had arrived here. She did not know what city it had once been, but from the remains she would guess it had been hit hard in the great war.

Arisa let these thoughts run through her head as she stared around herself.

Shiny New Ideas

2012-01-16T00:06:00.001-07:00

First things first. I must give props and respect to both L. S. Taylor and J. Larkin for getting some queries out and officially starting out Epic Year of Querying. Much as I hate the fact that I'm losing (I may be just a little competitive...) I love that we have some numbers up there! Can't wait to see how well we do with these queries this year. (Especially once the rest of use get our acts together and get them out there.)

Moving on. This week I have managed to not get any editing done. You may recall in my last post I talked about how I had to rewrite about 13 chapters in the last half of my novel. I wasn't exactly looking forward to all of the extra work, of course, but I also wasn't planning on never getting around to it.

In the last week I have caught up on three or four shows I've been putting off since November. I've started reading a book that I just got in and is the sequel to a book I really liked. I've cleaned my room and organized all of my writing stuff. I've set up the new printer my boyfriend bought me. I even just barely managed to get the two critiques I need for tomorrow done. (The feedback I give to the other three that I don't need to critique are barely started, however)

After that, why don't we all take a wild shot in the dark about how much editing I've gotten done.

None. Zilch. Nada. Zero. I haven't even brought my manuscript with me in an effort to make it look like I might be getting some editing done. Oh no. Instead it's sitting on my desk awaiting the arrival of my motivation (which I'm seriously starting to think is on an extended vacation.) Two months after nano, and I still can't get my motivation together enough to carve my novel into something that people actually want to read. The fact that the first half of it is out with beta readers doesn't even begin to touch the motivation I need to gather up in order to get those chapters done.

So why is it that I don't have this motivation? Well, I think I've got a pretty good idea.

Back in November, I ordered a journal from nano. I love it. It features a sturdy cover, plenty of lined paper, an elastic to keep it closed and a place to store a pen. The outside reads 'There's a book in you that only you can write.' A quote by the one and only Chris Baty. I took one look at this journal, and I knew exactly what I wanted to do with it. This book was going to be the place where I wrote down all of those shiny new ideas that I can't get to while I'm working on other things. They don't have to be good ideas, just anything that's occurred to me. Then, when I have time to write another novel, I can just flip through it and see which ideas stand out.

This has been working pretty well, but there's one tiny problem. One of the ideas that I recorded in this book is not letting me shut it away. The main character is more vocal than the characters from a series that I've written two books in! She doesn't go away. She just keeps talking and talking. Telling me details about her life, which I don't want to know yet.

It's distracting. All I want to do is sit down and write it all out. I want to work out what's going on with her, and who the antagonist is. I want to know more about her love interest (who isn't yet named.) I want to see where the book goes, and what kind of plans I can come up with for future books. I want to write her story.

Unfortunately, I also know that I have to finish this editing, because I need to start querying this year. No ifs, ands or buts about it. This is the year that I am going to get my stuff out there. Whether it's liked or not, people are going to see it.

So the guilt doesn't let me work on the new project, but with my mind so distracted by it, I can't work on the old project. The combination of the two are leaving me with no motivation to do anything but catch up on shows that I have been wanting to catch up on for months.

Next week, though, I can't let myself fall back into this pattern. I want this book out by the end of april. That means I need to get it to my beta readers by the beginning of February at the latest. Sorry Jayne, but I can't listen to you right now, much as I might want to. I have to get back to what I was doing.

I'm going to throw all of my shiny new ideas back into my book and leave them there. Ignore those voices and hope they're willing to talk again when I'm done. Much as I love telling new stories, I don't want to do it at the cost of my old stories. I can't give up because there's too much work involved. I need to keep going no matter what, and I'm going to do that starting tomorrow!

Dusk Gate: Seeds of Discovery character interview

2012-01-12T08:53:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone on Epic Robot! :)

Danni promised a special post on Wednesday, and I was a slacker, so you're getting it on Thursday. :)

She was kind enough to invite me, Breeana Puttroff, to do a guest post and character interview from my Young Adult Fantasy series.

Danni is an amazing friend and writer who I met through our fabulous weekly "parties" on Twitter, the Friday Night Twitter Writer's Party. All of you who are writers of any sort should join us each Friday evening at #FNTWP. Just bring whatever writing you're working on, and some smiles, too.

Anyway, this is my first guest post, and I have no idea what I'm doing. :) But I am grateful to Danni for giving me the opportunity.

This week, I'm celebrating the launch of the second book in the Dusk Gate Chronicles, Roots of Insight. Be sure to leave a comment on this post for your chance to win an e-copy.

Below is a character interview of one of the main characters in the series, William Rose. This interview takes place after the first book, Seeds of Discovery, but before Roots of Insight.

William is the fourth-born son of the king and queen of Eirentheos, a world that is connected to our own via a magic gate. Fourth-born children in Eirentheos are given the gift of healing, at a Naming Ceremony shortly after birth.

One day in our world equals ten in Eirentheos, so although William is seventeen in our world, he has lived many more days in his. Because his world is less technologically advanced than ours, he and his uncle have traveled back and forth between the two worlds for many years, studying the medicine of our world, and taking the knowledge back to theirs.

The Dusk Gate Chronicles begins when Quinn Robbins, a sixteen-year-old girl from the tiny mountain town of Bristlecone, Colorado, notices William's unusual behavior, and stumbles upon his secret.

What's the first time you traveled between the gate?

The very first time I traveled through the gate was when I was six cycles old. I was always very close to my Uncle Nathaniel, maybe because we're both healers, or maybe it was just a connection that was always there between us. For as long as I can remember, I was fascinated with Nathaniel's work, and whenever he was home in Eirentheos, I would follow him around to the clinics and help him with his work. As I grew a little older, we realized that there were so many things we could learn from Earth, that it would work better to have two people who had studied there. At the time of my first visit, Nathaniel was deep in a project of trying to learn how to bring hydroelectricity and wind energy to the Capitol city of Eirentheos. My father brought me through the gate to visit Nathaniel here while they were working on that project.

What do you think of this world?

I think there are many great things about Earth, and also many things I don't understand, or am glad don't happen in Eirentheos. The capabilities of technology are amazing -- the ability to use technology for healing, electricity, refrigeration. But then there seem to be a lot of people who use it to play video games on their cell phones, and they miss out on the kinds of relationships with family and friends that are common in my world.

How do you deal with traveling between two worlds?

It can be very challenging, but I'm kind of used to it now, and I don't plan on doing it forever, or even for as long as Nathaniel has.

Do you miss your family?

Every moment I am away from them.

What do you think of Quinn?

I actually like Quinn, now that I've gotten to know her a little. She's smart and she's caring, and I know she would do anything for someone she cared about. She's so stubborn, though.

Was it weird having someone interested in you?

No. That's happened several times on Earth, and in Eirentheos people are always interested in what the royal family is doing. I just thought Quinn would give up if I ignored her long enough, like everyone else always did.

Do you want Quinn back in your world?

I can't say I don't want her back in my world -- as I said before, I do like her. But I think it's a bad idea, and she has no idea how deep she might get herself in, and how challenging it can be to divide yourself between two worlds. At least for my part, the only people I'm hiding and keeping secrets from are strangers. If Quinn were to come back to my world, she would have to lie and hide from her family and friends, and I think she'll get hurt.

Thanks so much for hosting me, Danni! I hope your readers enjoy.

Readers -- if you're interested in winning some prizes, please be sure to visit my blog at

breeanaputtroff.wordpress.com

A Snag In Editing

2012-01-09T00:04:00.000-07:00

Before I start this week's post, there were a few things I wanted to say. First and foremost, I would like to point out that there are now six writers participating in the Epic Year of Querying. You can get to any of their blogs from the side bar, as well as find the link to get to more information about it. I'm very excited to see what this year brings, and how we will all do on this challenge. Of course, it goes without saying, any other writers who wish to join in the fun can, just give me a link to whatever site (be it blog/twitter profile/website, whatever you wish) and how many queries you have sent out since Jan. 1, 2012, and I will gladly add you to the list. You can also follow the fun on twitter using the hashtag #YEQ2012.

Second, there will be an extra special post going up on Wednesday of this week. I'm not going to give away any details (cause it's a surprise) but make sure you look out for it. I'm excited to see this blog becoming something other than me talking to myself, and this is just one of many such things I'm hoping will happen this year.

Alright, onto the post. So, I was editing today. I planned on getting about three chapters done so I could catch up with my goal. It was something I knew I was going to have to do, because I spent all day yesterday doing things like getting my hair cut and hanging out with friends. So when I finally got around to it today (instead of working on my blog like I wanted to) I sat down ready to edit.

I'll admit that I may not have been as anxious to edit as I could have been. In fact, I was rather reluctant to start. I may not have been editing as fast as I could have, and I kept getting distracted, but that's besides the point.

The fact of the matter is that after all of that, I got through half of the chapter and realized just how much I was changing, and how unhappy I was with what was left. After all of that I ended up throwing the chapter out completely and starting over.

With that realization, however, came the certainty that I had hit the point in my book where I knew I was going to have to do some major overhauling. See, I had already come to the conclusion that I had to change quite a few things in the second half of the book. I hadn't written a very important scene, and that scene couldn't be written the way the book was already done. So I knew that there was going to come a point where I would have to start rewrites.

Unfortunately this point came a lot earlier than I had thought it would. In fact, I had been hoping that I would make it at least another five or six chapters before I would have to start completely changing what was written.

Alas, I cannot change what I have come to realize must happen. Well, I suppose I could, but then the book just wouldn't be as could as it could be, and I definitely don't want that. This is the book I want to get published. The one that I already have half of out with beta readers. The one that I have already gotten a second round of beta readers for. I can't just not fix it. This is my baby we're talking about. I want it to be all it can be.

So, while editing is my least favorite part of writing (and yes, I will continue to complain bitterly about it for the rest of the time that I'm doing it) I will continue to do it. Because, you see, I love my work, and I don't intend to let it be less than what it could be only because I don't want to do the editing.

Now I've gone through the rest of the book and have decided which chapters I need to rewrite, and which ones just need editing. I've also decided what I need to add to make the story complete. I now have a clear idea of what I need to do to make this book ready for my beta readers. On one hand this gives me a sense of relief. I know what I'm doing now, and I don't feel so much like I'm stumbling around in the dark. On the other hand, rewriting is somehow so much more work than editing.

Wish me luck, because in the next month (okay...maybe two) I plan to whip this novel into shape. Even if that means rewriting half of it.

The Epic Year of Querying

2012-01-01T16:25:00.000-07:00

As some of you may have noticed, I didn't post last week. I was planning on it, I truly was, but I was also at my grandmother's house, which doesn't have wireless internet. So, instead, I decided to skip the week and take a Christmas vacation.

This year I'm going to be doing a few things different on my blog. First of all, if you will kindly look to the sidebar, you will see a box entitled 'The Epic Year of Querying'. This is where I will keep all of you updated on the progress of my writing/editing/querying. I will update it every week along with my blog post.

Also, this year I will be doing my best to put my blog more in the eye of the writing public. This means that you could see things such as guest blogs, character interviews, reviews on books, and participation in blog scavenger hunts. I'm very excited for the first of these which should be happening in the next week or two.

This will be the year that I put myself out there. That I look at my blogging as another step in my writing goals, rather than something I'm doing because it looked like fun. Where I start to truly take myself seriously as a writer. Where I don't give up on a writing project because I'm starting to feel like it needs far too much work.

It has been over a year now since I came to the realization that I am, in fact, a writer. Since the beginning of nano 2010 I have written 9 novels. 5 of those have been pushed aside as not worth the time to edit, but the rest I'm going to do something with. It may take a lot of editing. It may make me want to rip the hair out of my head, but I am going to get them published!

I have two close friends also taking part in the Epic Year of Querying with me:

Eric Satchwill
B.A. Matthews

I'm excited to see how each of us do in this challenge.

I would also like to invite anyone else who wants to join in the adventure to do so. Comment here and leave me your blog address. I'll make sure to add you to the total counts!!

2012 is going to be an awesome year (right up to when the world ends, of course...) I can't wait to see what it will bring!

Deadlines and Procrastination

2011-12-18T21:51:00.000-07:00

As any of you who have read my previous posts will know, I'm not a huge fan of editing. In fact, if I can find an excuse to not edit (such trying to decide on a new desktop for my computer...because that's oh so important...) I will do it. Take, for instance, this very blog post. While I may have to have a blog post up by midnight tonight (or risk being turned into a pumpkin...don't ask...) I didn't need to do it right now. I am, though, because I turned the page and stared in dismay at all the purple marks.

Another thing I've never been good with is arbitrary deadlines. I like to set a dead line for editing (Like, say, the first ten chapters done by the fifth of December) then let it pass by with a shrug and perhaps a comment about how I can make up the time later.

So now it's the 18th, and I'm still working on those first ten chapters. (Yes, I do realize how pathetic that is.) Unfortunately I happened to go on the ABNA site the other day and realized that I do, in fact, have a very solid deadline. One that I have been ignoring, and basically telling myself that I have lots of time to do it. When I saw that January 23rd, suddenly I realized that my math wasn't working. It may seem like a lot of time, but I have a lot to edit. And putting it off was just going to mean that I would end up with a second rate book in the contest, rather than something I can show off with pride.

Last year my submission was the first novel I ever wrote. I wrote it during nano, in the first two weeks. It was just barely over the 50k mark, and I edited it in a month before submitting it to the contest. I made it into the top 250 of 5000 in the YA section of the contest. This year, I wanted to do better.

I was doing well, too. The book was written over two months, with me giving it more thought than I did the first. It had far more planning and world building in it. I even submitted the first few chapters to my critique group and have beta readers all lined up. Unfortunately I put off the editing for so long, that I'm now in the same boat I was in last year. This is going to be one of the quickest editing jobs ever, and it's all because of Procrastination.

There's really nothing I can do about that now, though. I have to just get down to it and get this book edited. I have to stop procrastinating!

So I did the only thing I could think of. I gave myself a deadline, then asked other people to hold me accountable. My beta readers, to be precise. I told them when I wanted to have my chapters to them by, and told them they had free reign to bug me for them, criticize me if they were late, and generally make a nuisance of themselves until those first ten chapters (which will end up being 9 chapters, as two of the chapters were amalgamated...) in their drop boxes.

I think it's working. I'm not done (obviously) but I'm much closer than I would have been if I didn't know there were people who were going to yell at me if I didn't get these chapters sent out by midnight. But what I need is for someone to take away all of the things I use for procrastination. This would just be an experiment, as I'm fairly certain that, even with everything taken away, I could still find a way to procrastinate, but it might work for a while.

Any takers?

Didn't think so. Oh well, time to get back to editing now. See you all next week!

Christmas Shopping and Editing

2011-12-12T00:06:00.000-07:00

I went Christmas shopping today. One thing you should know about me is that I actually hate shopping. No, this isn't something that most people would assume, seeing as how most women do. But what I hate most is Christmas shopping. The crowds, the noise. You can never find exactly what you want, and sometimes you don't even know what you want. By the end of the day, you're tired, cranky, certain no one is going to like their gifts and broke.

Today was certainly no different. I found myself growing grumpy when we could find presents for one year olds, and presents for three year olds, but do you think we could find one for a two year old? Everything was either too old, too young, or far far too expensive. It made me miss the days of a tub of play-do making kids happy, even if I was one of those kids.

If that wasn't bad enough, then there was the fact that we didn't even end up buying all of our presents because we honestly didn't know what to get a couple of people. Meaning that we will have to go back out instead of being completely done...

So why am I telling you this when I'm supposed to be talking about writing? I have always maintained the editing was my least favorite thing to do in the world. I avoid it at all cost and usually manage to put it off far longer than I want. Today I got up thinking about how I could avoid editing for even longer because I would get to go out Christmas shopping, and surely that was better than editing, as I hate editing so much.

I have to admit that I was wrong. Christmas shopping is not better than editing. By the time I got home I was wishing that I had spent the day on the computer getting some editing done. (For the record, I got absolutely no editing done, and I probably wont. This blog post was a last minute thing and didn't even manage to make it up for the deadline...I'll do better next week I promise!!)

That's got to say something about shopping, when I spent the day wishing I could be working on my book rather than trying to figure out what everyone wants.

For the record, my characters are now complaining about how I ignored them today. As if I never give them attention. Thankfully critique group starts up again next week, and I can forget about Christmas for a couple of hours while other people rip apart my writing. It'll be awesome!!

I guess I just have to learn how to balance my life better. In November I got lost in the writing, so now I'm rushing to finish everything for Christmas. Next year I'm going to have to figure out a way to not completely ignore real life during November so that I'm not stuck trying to do it all in the early days of November.

I think I'll just do all my shopping online next year...

A commitment

2011-12-04T23:18:00.000-07:00

Now that NaNoWriMo is officially over, I have decided to recommit myself to my blog. In November I took on the insane challenge of a blog post a day. Unfortunately that it not something I can keep up with on a permanent basis. For one thing, by the end of the month I no longer had any topics to write about. And without any writing to complain about, I'm going to have even less to write about.

Instead, after coming to the conclusion that I want to post more often, I have decided to post once a week. That day is going to be Sundays, starting today. (Yes. I do realize that it's almost midnight and I should really have done this earlier, but as I was at a hockey game with my boyfriends parents, it was a little difficult.)

My commitment is to have it posted every Sunday no later than midnight. I cannot guarantee that they will all be the greatest posts in the world, but I can guarantee that they will help you to follow my incredibly exciting journey to being published. (2012 will be the epic year of querying.)

The next year will include a submission to ABNA (Amazon Breakout Novel Award), NaNoEdMo, and the sending out of my first query letters. Therefore you can expect to hear all about how much I hate editing...why I hate my characters...and the arrival of my first rejection letter.

I know you're just as excited as me, and I hope that hearing about my journey will help you to start (or continue) yours. But, if all this blog brings you are a few laughs, I'm happy with that too.

The Last Day

2011-11-30T22:32:00.001-07:00

Today is the last day of nano, and although I have already technically won, my own personal goal was 300k, and I'm not quite there yet. In fact, as of right now, I'm about 7.5k away from it. But that doesn't mean that I get to forget to do another blog post. (I don't know what it is about the end of this month, but not only am I having troubles motivating myself, convincing myself I can, in fact, continue to write at the pace I set for myself at the beginning of the month, but I also seem to be forgetting my blog...)

Anyway, I don't actually have a clear topic for this post, as I am currently writing it between word wars (In the hopes that I can actually hit my 300k). I find it easier to just not have a topic than trying to remember it while writing my story. You understand.

So, on this the last day of nano, I'm finding myself torn. On one hand, I am so happy that I can just sleep tomorrow. (Though, as my ML pointed out, I probably will start editing) but on the other hand, I wish that November was longer. That I could continue to write for hours each day and have an excuse to ignore everything else.

How is it that I can be so conflicted over something like this? I realize that tomorrow I will wake up and be oh so thankful that it is over. That I can watch my shows and not feel guilty that I'm not writing. That I can look forward to each weekend without having to calculate just how much I'll have to write each day just to catch up to my goal.

I may read an entire book tomorrow. Just saying.

Either way, while I will be mourning the loss of this month, and marvel at how quickly it went by, I will still be thankful that I don't have to keep up this pace forever. That I can take a breather. That I can stop being obsessed with a graph, and base my life around it.

Of course, my break will be short. While I wont be picking up this same crazy pace (writing a novel in 10 days?? Yep...craziness) I will be editing. One novel will be going into the ABNA contest in January. Another will need to be edited so I can start querying (which I fully intend to do next year...don't worry...you'll get to hear all about it right here on my blog!! Excited, aren't you?) And the third will be given to my critique group so they can tell me everything that's wrong with it.

I have a full year ahead of me, and I'm hoping to report back next year that it is going well. But that does not mean that I need to lose sleep over it (though really, that's more up to my characters than me) and it does not mean that I have to be attached to my computer for hours on end every day.

Tomorrow I fully intend to take a bit of a computer break. Although I may start planning for next year's nano ^.~

A Few Minutes Late

2011-11-30T00:06:00.000-07:00

Well, it is past midnight now, so technically I am cheating by posting this blog post, but I am going to do it anyway. Yes, that's right, you read that right. I am a big fat cheater. And there is nothing you can do about it. Except maybe stop reading my blog post...

Please don't do that.

Anywho, this post is going to be one of those short ones where I brag...I mean...update you on my current word count, which is not 290k (with only one more day to write, that means I need to write my full 10k tomorrow before midnight. No procrastinating. No telling myself I can catch up this weekend. I'm out of weekends. It all comes down to one day, and not more chances. I want to have my third novel in hand when I got to TGIO on Saturday. I want to be able to look at them and know that I wrote those. That these are novels that I am going to one day get published. That I am going to get to sleep for the next month because I practically killed myself writing 300k....

Oh...scratch that last one...

Well, that's my update. Now I'm off to bed...sorry I was late. I'll make a better post for the last day of nano, I swear it!!

The Last Few Days

2011-11-28T22:42:00.001-07:00

Here we are, in the last week of nano (actually only two days left after today). Depending on where you are with your goal, you'll be doing one of three things.

If you are behind the next three days you're going to be obsessed with hitting that mark no matter what you have to do to get there. (Some of the people who are behind don't think they can do it, and perhaps that is true, but remember that the 50k is just a suggestion. If you lower it, that doesn't mean you lose. You still wrote those words, and that is something to be proud of.)

If you are on schedule, you're probably sitting pretty. You probably have the next two days completely planned out and know exactly what you're going to do on each day, and you're ready for anything that life throws at you, because you know that you can make. (I congratulate anyone in this category. You still have a ways to go, but I know that you're going to finish!)

If you are ahead, you're probably thinking that this was not nearly as hard as you thought, and you've already forgotten all of those days that the world interfered, and for just a second you were worried that you weren't going to finish. Then , when you hit that 50k, you jumped for joy, and might have even gloated to your friends. Take a break the next two days (or write a bit more to see how far you can get) Either way, I hope you hold your head high, because you have done an amazing feat!

As for me, I am on track. I know that I can finish with my current word count as long as I continue to write for the next two days. As long as I don't let myself slack off. But somehow I seem to be falling more into the first category. All I want to do is write. A week ago I was wondering if I should just stop at 200k, and now I'm sitting at work thinking about all the words I could get getting if I was at home. I just want to keep going and finish this novel, even though I am fairly certain it is going to exceed my goal.

This isn't exactly a strange feeling for me. Last nano I had a similar experience, except then it was because I finished on the 15^th and realized that I wanted to see how much more I could do, and so I just kept writing. This year it feels more like I've rallied in these last few weeks. I was getting so tired. All I wanted to do was sleep, and I had this voice in my ear telling me that two novels and 200k was enough. Did I really need to climb all the higher? And not I'm wishing there were more days in November so that I could write more.

At the same time, though, I cannot wait for Thursday, as I'm planning on sleeping all day.

Nano can leave you feeling conflicted. Throughout the month you go through a rollercoaster. One minute thinking that you are never going to get published, because who would publish this crap. The next unable to believe you wrote that, and look, you're a writer! It's an experience. One that most people don't understand because they aren't doing it. It's one that you'll never forget, even if you only do it once. It's one that helps you define yourself, not just in your writing, but also in who you are as a person.

So whether you cross that finish line, or find yourself a few words short, I have to congratulate every person who did this. You took that step. You pushed yourself. And you showed the world that you are not a coward.

A Quickie

2011-11-27T23:17:00.000-07:00

I just realized that I have yet to post a blog today, and as I am currently being challenged to post a blog a day, I decided to do the very thing that I told myself I would not do when I took the challenge. I decided to write a short blog detailing my progress. Because, you see, while I may be ahead according to NaNoWriMo standards, my own personal goal tells me I still have words to write tonight. Words that I am currently taking time away from in order to write this short blog. So here is where I stand:

268, 880/300k

I'm almost there. And when I hit 300k, I am going to order a nano messenger bag. Which is the treat I promised myself for hitting my goal

Anyway, that's all I've got for you. I promise I will have an actual topic tomorrow, but right now, I need write!!

Getting Overwhelmed

2011-11-26T12:07:00.000-07:00

It's the twelve hour write in today, which means that I have absolutely no time to think of and plan out a blog post. So I'm going to just wing it like a usually do. Here goes:

When November first started, if I fell a little behind, I remember thinking it would be fine because there was still so much month left. I didn't have to worry about a few thousand words, I could make them up that weekend, or on my next day off. It would be fine.

Now, though, it's so close to the end of the month, and thinking about how much writing I still have to do in order to get to the goal I set for myself, I'm starting to feel overwhelmed. It doesn't seem to matter to my brain that I have already written two entire books in ten days each. It keeps trying to tell me that this is just not going to work. That there simply is not enough time left to get everything done.

So today I am telling my brain 'Shut up Brain!' and getting on with my day. Mostly because it's twelve hour, and do I really have time to have that argument with my brain? No. No I don't. But also because I have to write 15k today, and if my brain keeps telling me that I can't do it, I won't do it.

Here are the facts. I have had 5 15k days so far this month. So what's one or two more? I have 2 completed novels printed out and waiting for me to start editing them. (One will be used during critique group. The other is set aside for NaNoEdMo in March). I am almost half way through a third novel which is the sequel to the novel I started editing before nano and will continue to edit afterward, hopefully fast enough to get it into ABNA.

One more fun little fact for you: I AM going to hit my 300k goal. I AM going to allow myself to buy the nano messenger bag I've been eyeing since they put it up. I AM going to start looking for an agent next year because writing IS what I am going to do with my life.

I am not going to let my brain dictate to me anymore. I am good enough to be an author. I have written almost 6 novels now, and I will not let that go to waste. They will not all end up in the dusty folder in the back of my computer never to be seen from again. I refuse!

The End.

Challenge Accepted

2011-11-24T20:37:00.000-07:00

At the beginning of the month I was challenged by a friend of mine to write a blog post every day of the month. And this is on top of my goal of 300, 000 words written for NaNoWriMo. I, being someone who has a hard time refusing such challenges, of course said yes.

Earlier in the month, that friend managed to miss a day. And, I’ll admit, I might have been a little petty in my taunting of her. After all, she was the one to issue the challenge, and she was the one who had missed a day. I was having a great time, making fun of her for missing that day.

Well, last night I forgot to post a blog. I can give you my excuses (I had been trying to get some writing done and had gotten really frustrated and tired, so I gave up and decided to give myself a bit of a day off. I figured I could catch up later and I ended up watching some tv shows and just going to bed.) but the fact of it is, I missed a day.

I actually went to bed, it was just after midnight, snuggled under the covers, and my eyes flew open as I realized that I had never posted anything…it was a saddening moment. If you had been there, you would have cried. I swear it.

So now I’m am blogless on the 23^rd, and I keep staring at my blog thinking ‘I’m only going to have 29 posts for November’ and there’s really nothing I can do about that. Except make two blog posts in one day, and I think that might be cheating. In fact, it is cheating, and who would be happy with that? Not me…

I’m expecting much taunting and teasing when I see her on Saturday, and I will accept nothing less. After all, we’ve both missed a day now. Neither of us can claim to have won this challenge. Perhaps it’s one we’ll try again next year. And if it is, I know that I’ll end the month with that perfect number 30 showing beside November.

What I do know is that I’ve already run out of topics to post about. Hence this post about a missed post. Who knows what I’ll write about tomorrow! Though it may involve monkeys…

Anyway, I am officially recommitting myself to this challenge. As of today I will not miss another day this month. That number will not fall below 29!

Next years New Years Resolution: Stop accepting insane challenges.

A Whole New World

2011-11-22T23:04:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had to find a way to dive into a new world. I finished my second novel on Sunday, and those characters were still talking to me. Pointing out that, once again, my epilogue didn't follow the path I had laid out for it. Telling me what they thought should happen at the beginning of the next book and generally making a nuisance of themselves.

This is what typically happens when I finish a novel. My characters give me absolute gold...but only once I'm done. And I tend to spend at least a couple of hours writing things down and already seeing the next novel coming to life in my head. (For anyone who doesn't know me, I should probably explain. I can't quite figure out how to write a stand alone book. I've tried, but my plots are always so much bigger than that...)

Unfortunately, because my plans for this month were so high, I no longer have time to just sit and write down all of these things my characters are telling me. In fact, when I finish one novel, I need to move onto the next without giving myself much time at all to wrap up the last one.

What ends up happening is that I stare at the blank first page of the new novel for ever, while the other characters continue talking to me, and try to get the new characters to open up and start talking. It's a frustrating process, as I tend to write a lot less than I should, and a lot slower, because the new characters aren't yet asserting themselves and becoming a priority.

I know that I'll probably be back into it by tonight. Though I still have a few pictures from the last book running through my head, I'm also starting to think of the new book and the events that are coming up (some of them I'm really excited for, as this book is actually a sequel, and I've been wanting some of these events to happen for quite a while now.) In the meantime, though, I find myself falling a little further behind everyday, and getting headaches from the clashing characters and worlds.

The worst part is I have yet to adapt to the voice of this novel, and I keep throwing in things from the last. Thankfully I'll be able to catch those things when I eventually get to the editing phase (I'll probably put it off as long as possible...) Still, I would really like to get back into this world that I once knew so well.

With any luck tonight I'll be able to pull myself back in and not get too much farther behind. But, even if I can't catch up with my goal, that's alright, because I already have far more words than I had before the month started, and really, that's what nano is all about.

Falling Into Your World

2011-11-21T23:43:00.001-07:00

In an average month I can read between five and fifteen books in a month (depending on how much time I have, what's going on in my life, and how many books are in my 'to read' pile.) I get into these novels like most people wouldn't believe. I often can't hear what's going on around me because I'm so focused in. I cry when characters die, and throw the book across the room when the author pisses me off. (I refrain from doing this when I'm reading on my kindle...I hear it isn't so good for it...)

In other words, its about the same as when I'm writing.

This month I have yet to read a single book. I think I may be going into withdrawal, in fact. I'll let you know in the next couple of days if I see any more symptems. Anyway, the point of the matter is, I haven't jumped into any one else's worlds, or grown attached to anyone elses characters in 21 days, and I should be feeling like I need to. Those books piled up should be calling to me. Begging me to pick them up, to read them. Condemning me for neglecting them.

Instead all of those voices have been shoved aside, their room claimed by my characters that are making their presence known. They've figured out that they have a limited time with my full attention, and they're fighting for it.

Now I'm falling into my own worlds. Getting caught up in the lives of my own characters (which are often vastly different that I originally planned for them. Who would have thought. And I don't want to pick up those books. I don't want to get caught up in another world, not while things in mine are so tense.

I think I realized this for the first time the other day. When I realized that I hadn't carried a book even in my bag the entire month, replaced as they were by the laptop that now travels with me everywhere in case I have time to get some writing done.

It was when this realization hit me that I truly began to believe that I am now more a writer than a reader. Rather than being the person that reads someone elses words and yells at their choices, I'm making my own. I'm putting myself out there instead of pretending that I don't have any characters bouncing around in my head.

Now I can't wait to discover just how many worlds are trapped in my brain, just waiting to make their way to the page and show themselves to other people.

I'll get back to the books in December. For now, I'm happy to be writing.

Here We Go Again

2011-11-20T20:44:00.001-07:00

So here we are again. Only a few short thousand words away from finishing my second novel of the month, and I'm starting to get exhausted, and yet exhilarated all at once. Never in my life did I ever think that I would actually finish three novels in a single month, and yet here we are, 20 days in and two novels done!

I have mixed feelings as I always do. First, I don't want to leave these characters. They're starting to really open up to me, and I'm starting to get the impression that there's even more going on in this world than even I was aware if, including one good guy that's really a bad guy, and one love interest who has currently set his sights on the wrong girl. Neither or which are something that I like to turn my back on, but as I don't have a sequel to this planned out and I do have a different novel planned out, I think we all know which one I'm going to do.

Before we go any further, I'd like to mention that yes, I am a freak of nature, yes I have been told that, and yes people have pointed to my nano chart and called it a mutant. Moving on.

The problem is that as my characters start to open up it's harder and harder to tear myself away from them. I want to continue their story to find out what else is going to happen. And whose going to end up together, because at this point I really don't know if it's who I originally thought would. Just like a reader who isn't satisfied with reading one book in a series, I find myself wanting to write more and more.

But I know I have to force myself out of that world for a while. For one thing, if I stay there too long I'm going to get sick of it, and then I wont want to write the entire series. For another, I have other things I need to focus on, much as I may not want to. I have other novels that I have started, and other series that are begging me for my attention. Besides, if I stay buried in the world for too long someone might report me as missing, and that would be really embarrassing when the police showed up at my house and found me frantically writing at my computer long after November ended. Just saying.

So despite how much I want to stick with it, I have to finish off these last few chapters and move on. I have to give these characters a chance to take a break. To breath while I work on something else for a while.

They can rest assured, however, as there's no way I'm not coming back to it. Not with all of these little twists that even I didn't predict.

Killing Our Characters

2011-11-19T23:36:00.000-07:00

The killing of characters can be a sad or happy occasion. I recently wrote a scene where I killed a character that I happened to like. Unfortunately, it had to happen. Her death is the catalyst for one of my other characters realizing that she's really not in a good situation. It's the reason that she leaves that situation. If her death didn't happen, my main character couldn't learn what she needs to learn, and the story would never move forward.

The problem is that, as I was writing the scene, I wanted to cry. I wanted to put the book down and walk away. Pretend I had never written that scene and act like she was still alive. That's what I do when I'm reading a book, so why can't I do that when I'm writing it?

Characters, much as we may not like to admit it, are just tools that writers have to use. Yes, my characters are now all yelling at me about how they're not just tools, and how dare I refer to them as such, but we all know it's true. They're how we tell a story, and sometimes that means that we have to kill them. Or have something horrible happen to them. (And now they're all cowering in a corner and promising to be good if I just don't kill them. Too bad for them I'm a particularly morbid author, and plan and killing most of the Muahahah!!)

*Ahem* anyway. The point of the matter is that it's a necessary evil. Our characters have to sometimes be killed for either a plot point, or to motivate another one of our characters. It must be done! And what you need to remember (okay...and maybe I need to remember too) is that those reactions that we're having, where we're practically crying or just plain angry that we had to do it, that is what our readers are going to have too. They're going to be the ones crying, or throwing their books across the room and declaring that they're pissed and how dare we (as the authors) kill off their favorite character. Do we even realize what we have done?

That is what motivates me to continue. Despite all the protesting from the characters who die in my head. Or the other characters telling us that we can't do that to them. What are they going to do without that other character? I keep reminding myself of what it will be like the first time someone tells me that they threw their book across the room. (Which is a good thing for me...as that's what I do when I'm angry at something in a book)

More than anything I want to evoke emotions in my readers. I want them to cry, to yell at the books, to throw them. Whatever they have to do. I don't care. I just want people to feel what I felt when I wrote it.

That is the goal of any writer.

The Life of the Planner

2011-11-18T23:08:00.000-07:00

Hello, and welcome to this weeks edition of When Your Characters Hate You or Why Don't You Ever Do What I Want You To?

In today's show we're going to discuss characters that like to veer of the well trodden path. The one that you mapped out for them with a highlighter, explained the dangers of the other paths, even put some obstacles on them so they didn't even want to go that way. The path you paved in gold and lined in signs telling your characters this is the way you should go. I've planned it. If you go this way, we wont have a problem. And they still go the wrong way.

If you're anything like me, you have a multitude of issues with your characters ranging from (but not limited to) them letting you think they're doing one thing in a novel, and doing something entirely different, minor characters forcing their way into a major plot line, characters eloping with each other, and love interests dying before they have a chance to become love interests.

The worst part about any of this is the nice lovely plan you had all ready to go. The plot that you spent longer working out than you'll spend writing the novel itself (or is that just me??). The one that you're sure your characters will actually stick to this time, only to have them completely veer off track, leaving you scrambling to try and fix the plot so that you're not fitting scenes in that don't make sense.

In the end, of course, you're left with a bit of a mess. Half of your novel sticks to your plot, the other goes in whatever direction your characters decided they wanted to take. You have to edit all the things that no longer make sense, even though when you were working on the plot you were snickering about how clever you were to put that in. And you have to figure out what your characters will be pissed at you for taking out and make sure to leave it in (unless your goal is to actually anger your characters, cause then you should definitely take them out...though I don't actually recommend this plan of action.)

If you've ever had any of these problems, rest assured. Things will turn out for the best. Because, once you get that mess of a novel in your hand and read it through (after taking a couple of weeks off so that you aren't tempted to just chuck it all, or kill off all of your characters) you'll realize that all of those things that pulled the characters off of the golden path actually makes the novel that much better.

Because, no matter how much you plan, you still have to do what's best for your characters. You have to take into account what they want. Not that you didn't when you were plotting, it's just that the characters evolve as you write them, and suddenly what they wanted before isn't anywhere near what would make them happy after a few chapters.

Don't be alarmed when your characters start to take on a life of their own. It just means that your doing your job as a writer. Those characters that take over are the ones that are going to feel real on the page. They're going to be who your audience falls in love with, and they're going to be the ones that you'll mourn when you have to kill them off, or finish the novel/series.

That concludes our program for the evening. Stay tuned next week when we discuss worlds and how they suddenly became much more complex then you originally intended.

The Pens In Our Lives

2011-11-17T21:19:00.000-07:00

So, I have a pen. It's one of those ones that hang on a cord around your neck so that you have it with you everywhere you go. I got it from winning a word war at one of the NaNoWriMo events in my region. Usually the stuff in the box is just little random things that no one would ever buy for themselves, but when you get to pick it out of a box as a prize seems fantastically awesome.

Anyway, I picked the pen out of the box because I thought, hey, I like pens. Why not. Besides, it looked like it might work better than any of the other pens I had decided to grab out of the box for that very reason, and it's actually kind of cute. The best part is that it has black ink, which is my favorite kind.

Turns out the pen may very well be the best thing that's every happened to me. I know you're out there laughing because I'm gushing about a pen. Well let me tell you. It has yet to fail me. I use it to track my word count (because yes, I am just that organized) and every time I need it, there it is. Around my neck. Ready to go.

It doesn't care that in those fifteen minutes when I usually write a thousand words I only wrote eight hundred. It doesn't care that I'm, technically, almost 20k behind my goal. The pen is nonjudgmental, and I like that.

Now you're all wondering just how crazy nano has made me, as I'm rambling on about a pen. Of course, this post could be about a pen that I chose to write about because I've run out of topics thanks to a challenge I received wherein I have to write a blog post a day, but I like to think it's more than that. I like to think that this pen has helped me in my writing endeavours.

It's stuck by my side loyally, not even complaining when I accidentally left it at home, though it really did have the right to. It tirelessly does everything I ask of it, and it understands that I have to somewhat ignore it in favour of my keyboard during November.

How many relationships like that do you have in your life? Yeah. That's what I thought.

So, I decided to take this moment to dedicate a blog to the pens in all of our lives. Those that stand by us even when we hate ourselves and everything we've ever written. Those that allow us to be grumpy to them because our characters are giving us a hard time. Those that have supper on the table every night when you've got yourself tied to your computer chair in an effort to get those words done.

We could all use a few more pens in our lives...

Is It Hot In Here? Cause My Motivation Evaporated...

2011-11-16T22:27:00.000-07:00

So, remember how I said that my motivation is competition? Don't worry, I didn't lie to you. If there is competition, I'm willing to up my word count. I'm willing to spend hours at my desk, causing back aches and wrist weakness, just so that I keep that number one spot and don't let anyone pass me. And if someone starts to get close, you can bet that my next day off is going to be spent trying to get as many words as I can so that I'm not worried about them passing me while I'm at work.

Unfortunately, there's a rather nasty side effect. When people start dropping further and further behind me, and I no long have someone telling me that they're going to beat me no matter what it takes, all of that motivation suddenly evaporates. Like it wasn't even there. Suddenly I”m negotiating with myself. Telling myself that I increased my original goal, so if I don't hit my new goal it'll be fine. I don't really need to catch up. I can come in 10k behind. It will all be alright!

And yet, no matter how many of those conversations I have with myself (I swear I don't answer myself back...okay...maybe I do...) I can't quite convince myself that I wont fee disappointed at the end of the month when I'm not sitting at 300k. Because I know I will. I know that I'll think I could have done better. Especially since nothing really has come up. No emergencies that have dragged me kicking and screaming (or just a little too willing) from my keyboard. Not even an unexpected day at work. Instead, I'm just not quite as willing to stay up late to get the word count. Or to give up my shows so I have more time to write.

I need the motivation back. I need people to come on the chat and outright challenge me to a word duel (I'll even take a handicap, I swear.) I need to get that excitement and drive back so that I can finish this nano with a bang, rather than limp across the midnight finish line unable to hold my word count up as what I wanted to do.

Or maybe I just need to stop watching the shows that distract me from my characters, and bury myself in their world. Put myself in their shoes and let that drive me for a while. It works for other writers, why not me? I can change my motivation!

In the mean time, though, I think I'll continue to hang around the chat until someone comes along to word war with. Then I'll start writing.

Halfway to Salvation

2011-11-15T21:27:00.000-07:00

Here we are, November 15^th, and we're halfway through this crazy journey we call NaNoWriMo. In the first week we found ourselves excited and wanting nothing more than to write those words. Determined that this year we were going to write that amazing book that was going to get published with the first draft. We went to all of the write ins, laughed with other writers, explained what we were writing, commenting on how great it was going to be in the end, and were generally hopeful and certain that we were going to win.

The second week is the onset of the second week slump. On a rather abrupt shift from the first week, this one was dotted with our own self doubt, threatening to give up on multiple occasions, and the general acceptance that this isn't the best novel in the world. While we still laughed at write ins, when asked what we're writing, the answer usually falls between 'YA' and leaving it at that and 'absolute crap.' This is nearly always answered with a remark from a fellow writer about how you can't expect perfection on the first try, and that you have to just keep going. You can edit it later. Usually a smile and nod was given when this is said while in our minds we're wondering how we're supposed to keep going when we hate our main character, there's no plot and you're not entirely certain that your villain is a villain.

Yesterday marked the beginning of the third week, and with the halfway point hitting, we are finally pulling out of that slump and accepting the advice that was given to us then. We're pushing past the block that had us telling ourselves that we are possibly the worst writer in existence and what made us think that we could actually do this? While we accept that we probably wont get the first draft published – or even allow anyone to read it – we're not quite so certain that we will never be published. In fact, we might even be starting to plan what we're going to do when it comes time to start editing.

Today many regions will be having midway bashes. Parties that (at least in our region) don't actually include any writing. This can be great, or it can be bad. For example, I'm behind for my goal and wishing I could just go home and get some writing done. At the same time, though, I'm so excited to go and see people (or meet people for the first time) that I'm willing to give myself the pass...even though it means that I will be writing non stop over the weekend.

At the bash, we'll probably talk about all the fun stuff, like the fact that week four is quickly approached, which is filled with frantic writing, as everyone is still trying to catch up from the second week slump and the mutterings of more than one writer swearing that they're so not going to finish, and how does anybody manage to get this done every year?

While I can certainly understand wanting to just keep writing, and not being willing to go out (I've become a hermit. I'm just lucky my boyfriend is also a wrimo and understands when I veto the movie and suggest we just get together and write...) I also have to express that taking time off is just as important as writing. Go to that party and commiserate with other writers fighting the same problems that you're having. Discuss those plots that you just can't figure out and listen to the suggestions other people give you, because they could have a fresh take that will completely inspire you.

Enjoy yourself. Don't think that you have to suffer because your writing, or doing nano. Because while it is about getting those words on the page, it's also about having some fun. You've got to have fun while you're writing. Don't get overwhelmed and let yourself relax once and a while. Your writing will be all the better for it.

Nano Brains...

2011-11-14T19:27:00.000-07:00

Before you get your hopes up, no, this post is not about zombies.

I am currently at work, and I'm here to tell you that squishy brain resulting from nano is a real thing. It is a a terrible, horrible disease that takes away all rational reasoning, the ability to function at a higher level than a six year old, and forces you to make so many mistakes you wonder if it's possible that you were ever actually trained.

Rest assured, squishy brain does not translate onto the page.

You may be wondering what I'm talking about. During the month of November, I've found that I spend so much time with my characters and living in their world that when I start to get back to the real one where I live and work in, my brain seems to refuse to concentrate. Which means I end up making mistakes at work that would normally never come up. Or I have to ask my manager to walk me through a process I've done a hundred times or more.

This certainly isn't something that's confined just to me, either. I've been out with friends who have suddenly paused in the middle of a sentence, having no idea what they were just about to say. Or who have said something completely different than they meant.

I've even had people make up words.

In case you're wondering, if anyone asks you what's up, you are allowed to give them the excuse 'It's nano.' While anyone who isn't doing nano might not understand the excuse, anyone who does will give you an instant pass.

There is a cure to this, of course. You may have guessed what it is. The end of November. Once December hits and you can finally sleep a full night without your characters trying to demand that you don't need sleep when their story is obviously more important, you will find yourself moving out of the danger zone for squishy brain. You'll start to function normally and realize that there is a world out there that isn't one you created and your characters live in.

Until, December, however, we have to make do with our not quite up to par squishy brain and hope there isn't too much fallout when we wake up December 1^st. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. You may not see it yet (or maybe you just can't seem to name it...) but it's there, I promise. And while you may be thinking that this is not worth it, I promise you, it is.

Because at the end of the month, when your brain is back to normal, you will wake up and have a novel that you've written. Disregard the edits for a minute, and just sit back and relish the fact that you accomplished your goal. That you have words on a page that you can work with. And isn't that worth a little squishy brain?

For the Zombies: No. squishy brain is not a delicacy.

Live And In Person

2011-11-13T20:50:00.000-07:00

Today I went to a write in for NaNoWriMo. That means that a bunch of people in our region got together to get some writing done.

The first time I went to one, I was so nervous. I remember changing my mind about going multiple times until I finally decided I was going to do it no matter what. Then when I got there I was super shy, hung out at my table (which they had to set up when I got there because there was no more room left) and then we did a word war. Which I, of course, thought was fantastic, until they started going around giving word counts and I realized that I had a word count that was about double what everyone else was giving and I had to frantically recount just to make sure I wasn't lying.

I hadn't gotten it wrong, of course, hence how I ended up with my current nickname. But at the time, I was a nervous wreck, certain I was going to do something wrong.

I learned something useful that day. A few things, really. First (and most important) you can't 'do something wrong' at a write in. Well, you can, but only if you do it on purpose. Second, write ins help out a lot.

Not only did that one write in add competition to the whole concept of writing, but it also helped me to realize just how many people were out there writing. How many people gave up their Novembers to the insanity that is Nano. And it also made me realize that, yes, there are other people like me out there. People who have characters talking to them, and for the first time, I really fit in.

Now I go to every single write in. The ones during November, the ones during the rest of the year, because I belong now. I've found a place for myself, and I couldn't be more ecstatic. Not all write ins are productive, of course. Some are more for the purpose of catching up with other people that you have met in your journeys. But I find that even when I'm at one of these write ins where more talking than actual writing happens, it's helpful. To hear everyone's word counts, or see someone running up to that bell to ring it. I love it all, and it motivates me to write more than anything else in the world (aside from competition, of course...) It doesn't really matter, because it's those write ins that keep me going throughout the month.

Today happened to be a very productive write in. This was thanks, in large part, to a longer time frame. (Because of previous issues we had to change the venue, and in order to get tables, we had to get there early. Then the new venue gave us a room, instead of tables and we didn't, but we had already decided to go, so it ended up being 5 hours long.) But it was also thanks to the mass amount of word wars that we did.

Normally we're at a restaurant, and people are ordering food, and there's a lot of table hopping. Today felt more like we were getting down to business. We did word war after word war, and I don't think there is a single person who went today (who joined in the wars) that went home thinking about how unproductive they had been.

And the greatest part was all the new faces. People who have never been to write ins before came out in full force, and I couldn't help but remember my first write in, and hope that theirs was just as good as mine.

If you don't go to write ins in your region, trust me, they're worth it. They're filled with crazy writers who all complain about their characters and give you quirky nicknames. They're awesome. And they will push you forward, even when you're struggling or behind. And maybe, just maybe, you'll push someone else too, and realize that nano isn't just about getting those words down. It's about the community around you. Put yourself out there. You wont regret it.

The Magic Words

2011-11-12T20:42:00.000-07:00

This is the novel that I wrote in the first ten days of November.

I got to say those words this week, and the feeling I got from it was incredible. On Thursday I finished the first of three novels I have planned out to write this month, and, as always, I got it printed out. Binding and everything. (Just coil, but I love doing it....) Then on Friday, when I met with some friends who are also doing NaNoWriMo this year, I got to hold it up and show them my accomplishments.

My novel has mistakes. There are at least two chapters (Though I'm actually thinking more like 3 or 4) that I'm going to have to completely rewrite. As one point I couldn't remember what I had named one of the creatures and used the first word I could think of (which happens to be from gaiaonline...don't ask...) and on more than one occasion I forgot to go back and add in eye/hair colour that I couldn't remember when I was actually writing.

I know all of this. I say it to everyone who says something like 'that's amazing!' or 'I want to read that!' and normally it's what drags me down from the high of writing. Realizing just how much work I still have to put into it.

During Nano, though, I honestly couldn't care less. I keep picking up the book and looking it over. Randomly flipping through the pages as if I'm looking for something when I'm really just marvelling that it's done. That I wrote that novel, and I'm going to write two more before the end of the month. And I couldn't be happier.

Right at this moment, all I want to do is go around and tell every wrimo out there, the ones who are ahead, the ones who are on track, but especially the ones that are behind, that it is worth it. That when you're done you can print out that book (in whatever fashion you prefer) and hold it in your hands and know that you wrote that.

Forget about the mistakes and edits your going to have to make. Give yourself a minute to sit back and realize that you are, indeed, a writer. That you have written a manuscript. Whether if gets published or even read, it doesn't matter. You wrote that 50,000 words.

Because no one can take away that joy you feel as you realize what you've accomplished. And believe me, it is an accomplishment. Let December or January bring on the edits that will make you realize just how bad word wars can make you write, and for now, rejoice in the fact that you've done it.

You're a writer.

There is Life Outside Nano

2011-11-11T14:46:00.000-07:00

Today, for the first time this November, I actually have plans that aren't 'so...I'm going to write today...'. These are actual plans made with actual friends (most of whom are also doing nano, but I assure you, there will be no writing involved.) And I bet all of you can guess what is currently going through my mind.

When am I going to get my writing done?

I've been up since ten thirty, and of course I procrastinated for the first hour (who wouldn't?) by watching the latest episode Grey's Anatomy. (By the way...it was far too sad of an episode...just putting it out there.) Then, after realizing that I had just wasted an hour of the few that I had to do all my writing and get ready, I started to frantically write.

This may have been the worst day to pick for doing this, too, as I'm planning on doing the 11-11-11 challenge (write 11,111 words today) which is higher than my normal goal of 10k. Not by much, but enough to make me panic a bit, as I wasn't entirely certain that I would get that done today, never mind the higher goal.

Add to that this blog post. The challenge that a certain friend of mine (who shall go nameless...you know who I'm talking about) gave to me at the beginning of the month stipulates that I must put up a blog post every day. I can't take a break one day and put up two the next day, this has to be up today.

So now I'm panicking a little. I'm going to be picked up in three hours, and I have less than half the writing I need done.

Of course, the fact that I'm getting together with a bunch of writers doesn't help. Because of previous high word counts, it's not pretty much expected of me. So when I start to fall behind, people look at me in horror, and I feel almost like I'm ruining all of their hopes and dreams. As if by me falling behind they can't ever expect to catch up.

Okay...so maybe that's not quite true. But needless to say, I feel a little ashamed when I start falling behind. How can I set such high standards for myself and then not meet them? I feel like I'm trying to talk myself up and failing completely.

Regardless of that, however, I know that whether I get my words written or not, I've already won. 100K words in 10 days is far better than I did last year, and if I surpass my 154k from last year, then I can certainly be happy with myself.

Now if only I could relax and enjoy the day out...

Almost There...

2011-11-10T19:24:00.000-07:00

So, here it is, day 10, and I just realized something. I am almost done my first nano 2011 novel. As a cyborg, I decided that I would write about 200k this year (which may have turned into 300k thanks to a certain someone telling me they were going to beat me this year...just saying) Which means, of course, that more than one novel is going to have to be written.

I'm guessing that all of my novels this year will end at about 100k words. (This is actually more what I'm hoping, because if they don't, then I don't have enough planned out to finish the month, and the last week is not going to be fun...) As I'm sitting at 90k right now, that means that tonight I should be finished the first of the three.

While this is, of course, exciting, I'm finding it a little sad at the same time. I only got to spend 10 days with these characters, and I know they have so much more they want to tell me. Like the fact that Llios is madly in love with Tiaeryn but can't tell her because they are literally not the same species. Or that Tiaeryn may have fallen in love with Jaerd, despite everything, but feels like she can't stay in that world.

How am I going to move on when there's still so much to do in this world?

The problem is that I have a hard time writing stand alone novels. And by hard time, I really mean that I just can't do it. I can't throw everything I know about my characters into one novel. Even my plots seem to get so outrageously big that one novel just wouldn't cut it.

Now, I know what you're thinking. Why not just write the sequel this month too, since I'm obviously worried that I might not be able to get enough words out of the novels I have planned. Here's the thing, even now I know that this novel is going to require a lot of editing to be remotely ready to be read. And if I'm editing this novel after writing the next novel and I have to change something, that's a whole lot of editing to be done on the second novel too. And I hate editing. With a passion.

So now I'm stuck. I have no way to prolong my journey into this world. These characters will have to be pushed to the back of my mind after only 10 days of attention.

Of course, I can console myself with the fact that I will be diving into another world after tonight, one that I've been just as excited to write as this one. And I'll have a whole new cast of characters that I can talk to and figure out.

So I will go home tonight and finish this story, then say bye for now to the characters that have helped to shape this world. Then, after nano is done, I can come back to it and start the fun editing process. Then I'll see them again, even if it is while I'm beating my head against a wall.

Time to Play a Little Catch Up

2011-11-09T23:19:00.000-07:00

So today I got to play a little catch up. Before any of you say anything, yes I am aware that I hit the 50k last week, but I can promise you that I still have a long way to go to hit my goal. And, I realize that I put myself in this position, but I'm just saying, the higher your goal, the easier it is to fall behind. And the harder it is to catch up.

Today I ended up writing 15k (something I hadn't wanted to do, since when I did that the first day, my wrists were killing afterward) and, yes I did get caught up. But I also had to spend the entire writing. As much as I love writing, I also happen to enjoy my days off, so I had been hoping to be caught up before today.

So, now I'm caught up to my goal, and tomorrow I get to go back to work.

Now, I'm not saying that I don't like my job. I do. It's probably one of the best jobs I've ever held. It has it's downfalls, for one it's customer service, and we all know that not all customers are actually all that smart. But for the most part, I enjoy going to work. I love the people I work with, and it's definitely a step up from my last job.

The problem is, now that I've caught up, I'm looking at tomorrow and wondering, am I going to get everything done tomorrow? Or is it going to be another day where I end up just a few words shy of my goal. A few words that I can't quite make up the next day and end up getting further away from my goal. And on my next day off is it going to be another day of trying to get my word count back up to were it's supposed to be?

And then all those other things I want to do, like maybe keep up with at least a couple of shows during November, or finishing the plot for my third novel, which I may in fact need before the month is up, or maybe, just maybe, getting to sit down and read a book that someone else wrote. Am I going to be able to do any of that? Because if I fall behind again, it's doubtful.

So right about now, even after the successful day I had, all I can think about is whether or not I really should have decided to up my goal to 10k a day (effectively 300k) rather than the 200 I had originally settle on. Is this going to be worth it in the end, or am I just going to have crap sitting in front of me and two wrists that refuse to stop hurting?

This is, I suppose, my version of the second week slump. Many people start to taper off right around now. The high of starting the month begins to wear off, and life begins to intrude, and they start to wonder what exactly did they sign up for.

What did I sign up for? And why was I so crazy as to think I could do it?

With a renewed hope to hit my goal, and two tired wrists, I've decided that I'm going to do it if it kills me. Because when I'm done writing this month, and I get my novels printed out, I know that I'm going to look at them and think that this was something I will never regret. Three finished novels. In one month. Not many people can claim that. That makes it worth it. Right?

Character Love is Such a Fickle Thing...

2011-11-08T19:35:00.000-07:00

I'm just over the halfway mark in my novel, and I'm starting to come to the conclusion that I was completely wrong when I was doing my planning. I was under the mistaken belief that I would know who I liked and who I didn't when I was writing this thing.

Boy was I wrong. First and foremost, on of my characters, who I knew I would like, somewhat, but would also think was a jackass, is completely opening up to one of my other characters, and I love him so much! In fact, I think that his fiancee, who I originally thought I'd like and maybe even feel sorry for, even if she is a bit stupid, is a complete idiot. I find her annoying, and more than once I've had the urge to give her a nice smack across the face (even if I have to get one of my other characters to do it for me.

And if that's not bad enough, my main story line is making me cringe, and I'm finding myself leaning more toward the subplot. Why? Please, someone tell me why!

I've come to a very important conclusion this nano. I've decided that the reason this is happening (and I've suspected this for a long time to come) is that no matter what I do to get to know my characters before I put that figurative pen to paper, it's absolutely impossible to get to know your characters until you've actually put them in situations and written about them.

Take, for example, the prince that's sole purpose in my novel is to illicit jealousy from another character. He was supposed to be loveable so that a character fell for him to invoke said jealousy. Instead he comes off more like a playboy, or a used car salesman.. And, I was worried because I thought that she would so not fall for that kind of person. I was wrong. I would have never guessed that from the way they came across in my character bibiles, but there you have it.

Remember, nano is all about getting the words on the page, and not worrying about making it perfect. But don't underestimate your characters. No matter how much thought you put into them, they never quite listen to what you tell them, and you always end up with more than enough surprises.

Rants, Rages and Respect

2011-11-07T18:39:00.000-07:00

Yesterday our lovely MLs arranged a write in for the wrimotaurs. They always work so hard to find us venues that can deal with our very specific needs. As most of you are aware, we need plug ins for our laptops (some of us struggling artists can't quite afford brand new computers, which means that batteries don't always hold their charge, and numerous other issues that can arise). As we can have upwards of 20 people at the meets, that usually means there are extension cords that tend to run all over the floor, and with that many people, in a restaurant, you can bet that people are going to be eating.

Anyone who knows our MLs can tell you that there is no way in hell they would forget to mention any of the above. It just doesn't happen.

So what I don't understand is how we can arrive at a venue, which seemed to work so perfectly, only to encounter a headache.? How can 'yes we do have plug ins' turn into 'wait, you want to use our power'? And please, someone, tell me how it is possibly okay to ignore 26 people in your restaurant, and glare at them when you are serving them?

Now, I'm not going to name names. And, I'm certainly not going to turn this blog into a rant, so those are the only details I'm going to mention. But suffice it to say, by the end of the write in (which turned out awesome, thanks of course to the wrimotaurs who showed up and didn't let a little pesky venue issues ruin their fun!) many of us weren't very happy.

I don't know about the rest of you, but I find nano a hard enough venture. Now imagine trying to get your word count in (whatever your goal may be) while trying to find a new venue for our Sunday write ins? Or dealing with other venues telling you that they are no longer open 24 hours?

Personally, I think our MLs are heroes.

So today, on this the seventh day of Nano the 13^th, I say we all give our MLs a cheer for all they do for us. A quick email to thank them for their hard work. A hug when you see them at the write in. Whatever you have to do, make sure your ML knows how much you appreciate everything they do!

Who knows, enough hugs might help them with whatever headache they have to face next week.

Animals Are People Too...

2011-11-06T14:03:00.000-07:00

It has come to my attention today, that it is not just not just the people in my life that are suffering because I have randomly disappeared into my fortress of solitude (also known as my room, and where my desk is.)

You see, I have a cat. She's annoying, as cats tend to be. She knows exactly how to piss me off, and she can somehow manage to do it while still looking so cute that I want to forgive even though minutes before I swearing that I was going to kill her. In other words, she's the typical cat, if a bit louder than most thanks greatly to the Siamese part of her.

My cat is not allowed in my room. She knows this, I know this, it is common knowledge in our house. Most of the time she doesn't even try. She'll beg for my attention all the way down the stairs and lay down and stare in my room longingly, but generally she's pretty good about not running inside and hiding under my bed. (She's done it a few times, but really, I swear she was getting better.

Since the beginning of November, however, it appears that I have offended her greatly, for she has run into my room more times than I can count. Every time I have something in my hand that would keep me from stopping her, she's right there. Ready to get in by doing anything she has to. Jumping over a foot, squeezing between the door and the frame. I think once I nearly managed to catch her tail in the door while trying to keep her out. Thankfully I didn't hurt her.

I've come to the conclusion that this is my cats way of rebelling my hermitish ways. She feels, in fact, that I have been spending far too much time with my computer, and not nearly enough time with her (which could be true. I have written over 50k, and done a blog post for every day so far). So she is doing everything in her power to spend time with me. Even if that is curling up in my blankets and sleeping while I type away at my computer.

It's making me think that along with those extra presents I'm putting under the tree for those people who so kindly come down every few hours to make sure I'm still breathing and not collapsed under a mountain of words might not be the only thing I'm going to be doing in December.

If my cat has anything to do with it, I will be covered in her fur for the entire month just to make up for it.

For now, though, I'm going to endeavour to spend more time with her everyday. Even if it is only a few minutes to snuggle.

Turn That Frown Into Words

2011-11-05T20:48:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I was given a piece of bad news that brought my day completely down. Most of the time I'm a fairly happy person, but when something like that happens, I get all frustrated, and suddenly any motivation that I may have had (say, a friend who tells me that they're going to beat me this year) disappears.

When I got home yesterday I stared at my computer for a half hour before I realized that writing wasn't going to happen, as least not right away. Because, I knew that if the words started to flow, the frustration would go into it. Meaning that one of my characters (important characters that still have a lot of storyline to finish) would probably end up getting the brunt of it, and I wouldn't be surprised if they were killed. As that wasn't something I wanted to do, I thought maybe I needed a bit of a pick me up.

I'm rather ahead in my nanoing attempts this year, so I thought it would be alright to watch an episode of one of my favorite shows. The first episode, actually. And as hoped, it pulled me out of my dark mood and got me laughing. By the time it was over, I was starting to fell more like myself, and less like that scary person in the corner who looks like their about to explode if you so much as look at them.

Before I got started on writing, however, I decided to get some food, only to discover that the one thing I was looking forward to was out of the one item they should never be out of. While normally I might brush this off and move on with my day, that dark mood from earlier seemed to find this weakness encouraging and it quickly took hold again.

How did I pull myself out of it? I did the very thing I should have done right from the beginning. I launched myself into a word war. (And not just any word war. An hour long word war!) Pretty soon my mind had cleared, and I had managed to bury that dark mood.

No matter how we look at it, as writers, our sanctuary is the page. We may complain bitterly about our characters, and sometimes even have a block that we just can't seem to get over, but at the end of the day, if we need to have it out, it's in words. We let our emotions play out on the page.

Now I know better, of course. The next time a dark mood descends (though I'm hoping it's not for a while) I'm going to pull out the old laptop and let the words fly. I might get a few strange looks, but hey, it's who I am. And I've learned recently that we can't be happy unless we are true to ourselves.

What the Muse Wants...

2011-11-04T20:22:00.000-06:00

When I started writing this year, I had a solid number in mind. A goal I wanted to hit before December first reared it's real life filled head and forced me out of the dream world I plan to live in for November. Granted this number is just a little bet higher than everyone else's, but the point of matter is, there was goal.

Something happened yesterday, however, that's making me question this number. And it's not what you think, because I'm not planning on bringing that number down. No, instead I want to add to it. Suddenly I feel like it's not high enough. That I'm sure I can fit a few more words in every day and hit an even higher number. How hard could that be, really, when I've already got a high goal?

So what made me do this? It's quite simple. Competition. This may sound stupid (in fact, I often question my own rationality skills) but when one of my writing buddies informed me yesterday that they were planning on surpassing me, this was where my mind went. I had to write more. I had to write faster, and I was not giving up.

Don't get me wrong, I wish my writing buddy all the luck in the world. More than anything I love to see people achieving their goals, and if that goal is to hit a high number in November, more power to them. The thing is, she found it. That one button that makes my motivation go through the roof. It was what made me write so many words last year, and it's what's going to keep me going this year.

I thrive on competition. More importantly, my muse thrives on competition. While I may already have my plots done, I assure you, the muse is still very important in my writing endeavors, and having someone challenge me just motivates both of us to keep writing.

Competition, however, is just one way for a person to motivate themselves to write. For some people, just setting a goal for themselves is all they need. For others a treat when they hit that goal is required. (For the record, I'm also planning on giving myself a treat if I hit my goal of 200k this month.) No one is the same, whether it be their style of writing, their speed of writing, or how they motivate themselves to write.

So how do you do it? What button do you need to push to keep yourself writing throughout the month?

Disappearing Acts

2011-11-03T20:10:00.000-06:00

On the first day of nano, I pulled a disappearing act. I had no idea that I had magical powers, but there you have it. One minute there, the next 'poof' I was gone. I did reappear eventually, but it certainly wasn't across a crowded theatre to loud applause as people wondered how I had managed that.

Perhaps I should explain. I was hanging out online between wordmongering rounds, and one of my friends happened to show up on msn, and so, I started a conversation with him. Yep. You read that right. I was the one who actually started this particular conversation. And I said hi and asked him how he was doing, only to realize that I was about to miss the start of the next round, and I disappeared.

Now, this might not have been so bad, except that, by the time I had gotten to the end of that round, I had completely forgotten that I was talking to him. I was too caught up in my characters, and the fact that a few very minor characters who were supposed to appear in only one scene were trying to force their way into a more prominent position in my novel.

When I finally remembered that I had started a conversation, it had been four hours. Four! I've never felt so bad in my life. I apologized, profusely, and we managed to get over it, but it made me think about all of those people out there who couldn't care less about nano, other than the fact that they lose their loved ones to it everyday.

One of my friends, who's married to a Wrimo, actually calls himself a nano widow. Pathetic, I know. He's just digging for sympathy.

The fact of it is, though, we really do ignore the people in our lives during November. When people ask me to do things, I find myself wondering if I'll be able to hit my word count for the day before we go out, or if I should just be cautious and get some extra words written the day before. And even when we're out, I'm not fully there. My mind is trying to work out the next scene, or chapter.

While I don't expect us all to drop our pencils and start paying attention to people today (hello, we're only 3 days into November! It's never going to happen..) We just need to remember to give our friends and loved ones a little extra attention in December to make up for it. Or maybe just an extra gift under the Christmas tree to show that we appreciate how patient they are. Because without the support of our loved ones, none of us would be able to finish the insanity that is Nano.

Why, Hello Real World

2011-11-02T17:53:00.000-06:00

It's the second day of NaNoWriMo, and already I feel like the real world is intruding on my writing time. This, of course, comes in the form of my full time day job that helps me to sustain my writing addiction.

I had taken yesterday off because I knew I was going to be out at the regional Kickoff event until at least 2 in the morning, and so I had the luxury of sitting around my house just writing. And write I did. I ended the day (well, it was technically after midnight, but in my mind it was still day 1) at 15, 028 words.

Today, though, that number has yet to change. Here I am, on my break at work, and I'm writing a blog post. This is the first chance I've had to sit down with my computer all day. Which means that the story that got so much attention yesterday has to be pushed to the back of my mind. And my characters are not happy about that.

All day I've been making mistakes, or just forgetting to do certain steps, because my mind is in another world entirely, wondering just how that character is going to get the other character to not arrest her. As if that has any bearing, what-so-ever, on the registration renewal that I'm currently trying to type into the computer and keep messing up.

My characters don't care that I need to concentrate so that I don't end up registering the wrong car to the wrong plate. No. All they care about is that yesterday they were the center of my universe, and today they're shoved aside with a promise that I'll get to them eventually.

One day maybe I'll get that chance to sit at home all day, confident that a check was in the mail to pay me for my writing addiction, but for now I must go to work just like everyone else. Even in November when all I want to do is immerse myself in the lives of my characters. Even those characters that try to make themselves important when they're supposed to be in only one scene...

Until I'm off, though, I suppose I shall content myself with simply imagining what I'm going to write tonight. And maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to concentrate on my work for the rest of the night? Wish me luck!

And The Race Is On...

2011-11-01T15:49:00.000-06:00

It's the first day of NaNoWriMo, so naturally I'm doing a blog post. This post comes courtesy of BA Matthews, who so very kindly challenged me to write a blog post everyday this month. Everyday. While I'm trying to hit my 200k goal. Yep. You're right, I probably am crazy. The problem is, I find it so very hard to not accept those writing challenges. So here we go.

Day 1:

I am currently sitting at 7981/200,000 words. This means I've hit my target for the day, but it doesn't mean that I'm going to stop. (I'm not sure I know what the meaning of the word 'stop' actually is) Instead I'm going to continue utilizing the amazing wordmongering hashtag on twitter and get the word count up to at least 10k.

For those of you that are looking at this, shaking your head and thinking 'I could never do that', let me tell you something. Every writer is different. Not just in what genre they write, or their particular brand of word choice, or even in how they choose to break up their novel. Every writer also writes at different speeds.

To get to my speed, I actually turn off every other mental process (aside from those keeping me alive, of course) and just let the words flow. Although I hit the backspace button more than I probably should (damn typos...I just can't leave them alone!) I don't rethink any sentence...unless I don't know where I was trying to go with it. Then I might start it over again.

Some people, of course, can't quite get their inner editor to shut up. I know people who will agonize over every word in a sentence, and end with much lower word counts than mine. Does that mean that I'm the better writer? Definitely not! More than likely it's my work that's going to need to undergo heavy surgery when all is said and done just to make it passable, and their novel that is much more presentable, even as a first draft.

Sometimes I almost wish I was like those people, because then, maybe, I wouldn't have to spend so long editing. I hate editing with a passion, and anything I can do to avoid it is good for me. But I don't write like that.

In the end, just like singers, writers have to be true to themselves too. Yes, we can adapt and change our writing styles, taking into account other writing styles that we may have seen, or learned about, but in the end, we can't be anyone other than who we are. If that means we write slower because we hate putting a terrible sentence on the page than so be it! If that means that we can't even hear the music blaring in our ears because we're so shut down while we're writing, so be it!

Be you, and your story will turn out exactly the way you want it. Good luck! I can't wait to see the wrimos start to cross that finish line! Nano the 13th is going to be Epic!

I Can't Read My Character's Minds

2011-10-22T21:51:00.000-06:00

So. Here we are. 9 days before the beginning of NaNoWriMo, and I'm steadily working on the plot for the final novel I'm planning out. And this is where I hit a snag in my plans. See, I figure I might just have enough time to finish all my plots, do some edits on a previous novel and the last critique I need to do before we break for the already busy November. Apparently my characters had other ideas.

I was at the end of the brainstorming phase and just about to launch into character bibles (which is, let's face it, my least favorite part of plotting) when one of my characters finally decided to speak up. You see, I thought I knew what her part in the novel was. Where she was going, who she was going to be with. Simple and easy.

Really, I blame myself. I should have known that something was up. My characters are never simple and easy.

Not only is she no longer doing anything that I originally thought she was doing, now she's also going to be with new characters. Characters I hadn't planned on introducing in this novel (if ever). Characters that are part of a new race that, while they're in this novel, I hadn't thought I needed to really dive into until later in the series when they become much more a part of the plot.

So now, instead of being nearly done (which I really was happy about. I mean, 9 days!) I've got to figure out an entire race of people, including what they look like and their history, and will most likely be adding 2-5 more character bibles to the list I already have. A list that I already thought was pretty long.

And that character? The one that so kindly dumped all of this work into my lap at the last minute? She's blinking at me innocently as if I should have known what she was planning this entire time. As if I could read her mind.

As the person who created this particular character, I suppose I shouldn't be all that surprised that she thinks this. After all, if I created her, why don't I know every step she's taking? While I will, eventually, be writing out every word she says and every move she makes, her thoughts aren't necessarily open to me.

Characters, you see, take on a life of their own. Each one of them thinks that they could write your book better than you. And they're more than willing to go behind your back and do whatever they want. It doesn't matter to them that they just messed up your entire plot, or that they weren't supposed to do that until book 5. They simply don't care.

I'm not going to let this get to me, however. I know what I have to do to get to the bottom of this before Nano begins. (Aside from giving up on the idea of getting sleep...) I'm going to teach them that I'm the one in charge! That I'm the writer and I made them, and I can kill them off if I want to. Then, when their laughter subsides, I'm going to give into what they want and do the extra work they want because, as any writer will tell you, the characters are the ones running the show.

I think I need to learn how to read their minds...

23 Days and Counting

2011-10-08T16:52:00.000-06:00

I feel like the year has sped past us, leaving nothing more than a blur to prove it happened. Now here we are in October, November looming over us tauntingly as we admit that we aren't anywhere near being ready for the epic race that is nanowrimo.

For those who don't know, nanowrimo is National Novel Writing Month. One month devoted to the development of writers. The goal is to write 50k in the month of November. Which means that October is the month of figuring out what the hell you're going to write and maybe even getting down a plot. For pantsers, October is for casually wondering what they're going to write before flipping a coin.

Last year was my first experience with nano. I remember October being a month of nerves where I constantly changed my mind on whether or not I was actually going to attempt what I, at the time, thought was the impossible. It wasn't until the middle of the month when I finally firmly made up my mind and started telling people (so I couldn't back out of it at the last minute). I wrote a plot for the 50k novel I wasn't at all certain I would actually finish, and on November 1st, I dived in.

Here's the thing about nano. It's a fantastic experience, no matter how you choose to get through the month of insanity. Even going it alone will have you learning something about yourself I'm sure you didn't know before. But if you decide to join with the community, go out to the write ins and start doing word wars, you can do more than you ever thought you could.

Last November I was given an affectionate nickname that has survived to this day. (I'll give you a hint...it's the name of this blog) That's right. Epic Robot. And I gained it because last year, when I was absolutely certain that I wouldn't even finish my original 50k, I ended the month with over 150k words written.

I learned something about myself last November. More than one thing, in fact. I learned, first, that I'm way more competitive than I thought. I also learned that the nano community (especially the one here in Calgary, lead by the amazing Xanateria and Naiya Azurewater) is one of the most supportive and encouraging communities out there. And, last, I learned that I'm a writer.

You see, before last November, I had written, but never much. And I was under the rather mistaken impression that I couldn't finish a novel to save my life. That writing wasn't a viable option for what I wanted to do with my life. That I had to get over that fantasy. But November and nano helped me to realize just how wrong I was about that.

Since last November I have written 2 novels (as well as started one that got scrapped half way through. Just because I know I can finish novels now, doesn't mean that all of my ideas should be made into novels.) and I've just recently joined a critique group. 2012 will be the epic year of queries and trying to find an agent, and I firmly believe that one day I will be published.

Maybe you're sitting at home right now thinking that nano isn't something you could possibly do. You can't write 50 thousand words in a month! And what are you going to write anyway? No. Nanowrimo is just not for you. Take it from me. It is. Whether you cross the finish line, or not you'll learn something. About yourself, about your writing and about the people around you. And I can almost guarantee you that it's not an experience that you'll forget about in a couple of years.

All I can say is I've been there. Scared and sure I'd never finish. But don't let your fear keep you from doing something that could literally change your life. Take the leap. You never know where you might land.

A Brief Intermission

2011-06-30T18:55:00.000-06:00

I'm interupting my normally scheduled program to bring you a short piece of fiction I wrote today at work:

He had been there for as long as I could remember. And I could remember a long time. When he had first arrived the trees had been alive with talk of him. There was not one who did not speak of the human who had invaded our home. Some spoke with joy at the idea of one so foreign that they could study at their will. Others with scorn that a human would dare come into our territory.

Those words had died over the years. They had faded as the years had passed and the others had grown accustomed to his presence. They had faded as those of my kind had disappeared along with the trees they had once called home. And now I was the last, lonely in the diminishing forest. Now it was just him and I. There was none left to talk.

I, though, was as a ghost to him. He could not see me. Could not feel me. Could not touch me. He knew not that I was so close. He was oblivious to the fact that we were the only ones left.

So now I watch him. As the years dragged by. Years that once seemed as a blink of an eye. And he did not change. I wondered on this, my mind convincing me that he could not, then, be human. That the others were wrong when they spoke of his human stench. He must be as we were.

I tested this, one day. I called out to him, stepping out from behind my tree, eager to see the surprise that would surely streak across his face as he took in my presence. But he did not so much as look in my direction. I should have known. He had not once in all those years seen us. But I had hoped, and so I was disappointed.

Now I do not leave my tree. Instead I watch from a distance. Waiting for the day when I will vanish as the others did. When he will finally be alone in these woods that once teemed with Nymphs and Fairies. Fae that were once cherished, then banished to the backs of human’s minds, until we could no longer even be seen. Until we died off, unnoticed by the humans who have forgotten us. But until then, I will watch.

That is all.

Editing

2011-06-05T20:12:00.000-06:00

Editing. There it is. The most feared word in the writer community. You may think this to be an understatement, but rest assured, it is not.

Here's something you may not know about writers. We expect greatness on our first shot. We lie to ourselves and say we don't. We say we can edit this when we're done. Move on. Don't dwell! This is our motivation, you see. It's what gets us through the writing. It keeps us moving forward so that the manuscript we're working on doesn't end up half finished and filed away in some dusty folder at the back of our computers.

So, when we finish that manuscript and print it out, all shiny and new, we expect to read it thinking that this is going to be the next best selling novel. This was worth all those months (or years, depending on the writer) of our characters demanding our attention at all hours of the day (and night). It was worth the arguments we had while others stared at us in worry. It was worth the roadblocks and the surprises. It was worth our time.

Here's something you probably already know about writers. We are, by far, our own worst critics.

When we finally print off that first draft, all shiny and new, and start to read it, what goes through our mind is not 'this is fantastic! I'm sending this out right now!' No. What goes through our mind is 'Oh my...what was I thinking? This can't be right! This can't possibly be the novel I've written!'

This is where the fear of editing comes in. Rather than facing the story that we now consider terrible and hardly worth anyone's time, we don't even want to look at it. We want to pretend that we never wrote the bloody thing to begin with. (Yep. More lying. What do you expect? We're writers!) We want to file it in the previously mentioned dusty folder and never think of it again! Never own up to the fact that we wrote that terrible first draft! Pretend like we don't know what our friends are talking about when they ask about the character that just the week before we were talking excitedly about (Or complaining about. One or the other)!

And then, finally, as a last resort, we tell ourselves we'll look at it later. We shove it in a drawer and start the process all over again (being careful to reassure ourselves that the writing portion of the process could not possibly be as bad as we remembered it).

Unfortunately that manuscript, the one that we very much find ourselves wishing we could forget ever existed, must one day see the light of day. Especially when you know that you need to edit it in order to send out the ever dreaded query letter (stay tuned for more rants on that fun process).

So today I pick up my red pen and begin the editing process on the book that I finished writing in April. I do not look forward to this project, but I do it knowing that it could one day be the next best selling book, with a little bit of work. At least...that's what I tell myself.

Multiple Projects and Distractions

2011-05-31T15:38:00.000-06:00

I am currently halfway through the first fantasy novel I have ever written. (I've actually just hit the 'this is terrible! What was I thinking?' stage...but that's besides the point) Anyway, I'm halfway through this novel and I've suddenly found myself distracted.

I know what you're thinking. Isn't it normal to be distracted? You're right, it is. Everyone gets distracted. By real life, by the people around them, even by tv shows that they've been putting off watching so they could immerse themselves in the world they've created in their heads. What do I get distracted by? New projects. That's right, new projects.

In case you were wondering, I currently have three projects on the go. One that has the first novel written and is awaiting edits. A second that I'm halfway through the first novel, and a third that I'm writing with a friend that I'm awaiting his chapters on so I can write my chapters. So I need a new project about as much as a fish needs a bicycle.

Unfortunately now that a new project has planted itself in my brain, it refuses to leave. And alone with plots and possible settings that have me stumped, but still somehow distract me from my current novel, I have ten (Yep...ten...) characters who have yet to be named shouting at me to write their stories already.

I've offered to let certain friends take these unnamed characters and half thought out plots off my hands, but they have informed me that they have enough of their own characters to feed and take care of.

So now instead of concentrating on the scene at hand and writing terrible first draft...um...I mean brilliant first draft scenes, I'm writing about one character while thinking about another one altogether. This makes for very frustrating writing bouts where my fingers are trying to type the wrong words because I have two stories running through my head.

What do I do? I'm going to ignore the new characters with their unfinished plots and undecided settings and concentrate on my current novel. And if they get too demanding of my attention? I'm planning on threatening them with extinction. With never writing their story. I'm hoping this shuts them up for long enough for me to get my current novel written. If not, well, if you see me talking to myself in the streets, just walk away.

My Muse and Inspiration

2011-05-20T00:20:00.000-06:00

I don't know about you, but I often find that I have a heard time sitting down to write. I do everything I feel like I need to do in order to set up a good writing atmosphere. I turn on music. I turn off the TV. I leave twitter running, which might be a bad thing, but I have to stay connected. At least, that's what I tell myself. Then I open up scrivener (my current word processor of choice)...and stare blankly at the screen.

Oh, I write. At least a little bit. I'll get some words down that I will glare at because they're not doing exactly as I want them to do. Usually I get frustrated after about half an hour where I've written maybe a couple hundred words and I start playing a game to distract myself. I tell myself it's to give myself time to think. This is, of course, a lie. I am doing anything and everything in my power to not be writing right at that minute.

Even time deadlines do nothing for me. I've tried write or die. I really have. While it does pull more words out of me in a shorter time period, I can't quite force myself to continue writing afterward. In fact, I think, I should do another session, and instead start watching a show or even reading, telling myself that I'm ahead and that thousand words I just wrote was good enough for the day.

There is something you should know about me. Something I never knew about myself until November. In fact, before November I actually believed the exact opposite of myself. I thrive on competition. And by thrive, I mean THRIVE.

In the same half hour that I would sit and get maybe 800 words staring blankly at my screen, by simply adding another person writing with me, I get 1800 words. It's sad, but it's the truth.

Just so you know, I don't sit in front of my computer thinking 'I have to beat the rest of them!' actually, I really don't know what I think about while I'm #wordmongering. It's as if my mind just clears and pours out the words that it refuses to give up without that competition.

Maybe it's my muse. She is the most unreliable muse I've ever met. Not that I've met a lot of muses. This is just what I've heard. She takes off at the most inopportune of times. In fact for years she wasn't anything more than a voice in the back of my head that whispered maybe a couple days a year. Now that I've found a way to keep her yelling, how can I stop?

#wordmongering has jumped my word count for my current novel to over 50k since May 1st. Competition keeps me engaged with my characters. Keeps me wanting to know more about the plot and how everything is going to turn out. It makes me brainstorm so that I'm never without something to work on. It makes me research. Yep. Research. Rather ironic considering the fact that I decided to write a fantasy novel for the very specific reason that I can make up everything I'm writing. And now I'm planning on spending Saturday in the library with a pile of books about 12th century weaponry and war strategies.

My point to all of this? I found my inspiration. The one thing that keeps us, as writers, moving forward. As strange as competition for inspiration may sound, it works for me. And it working is really all that matters. As a writer, my sole objective is to keep writing. Whether or not I ever get published has nothing to do with it. As long as my muse thrives on competition (and my #wordmongering tweeps continue to provide that competition) I will write. And that's all that really matters.

My Characters Talk To Me...Sometimes

2011-05-16T23:37:00.000-06:00

Characters. They're the backbone of any story you write. Whether it be flash, short, novella or novel. You have to have them. The problem with characters is that sometimes you can't get them to shut up.

Take, for instance, Kaszet, one of the female leads in the novel I am currently working on. When I originally conceived of this character, I thought she was a one off. Just a passing character required only for a scene I know I would have to eventually write. She didn't even have a name. She meant nothing to me.

Except that my brain kept circling back around to her. At the time I thought 'yeah, okay, I can give her a name. Why not?' What I didn't realize was that giving her a name would lead to her being the third main character in my book (and actually quite possibly my favorite). She started speaking to me, and she just wouldn't shut up! I know more about her background than any of my other characters!

Thankfully this all came to me when I was still in the planning stages of the novel, which meant that I wasn't having to go back and do a lot of rewrites. And, on the plus side, it was a character that I knew I could write well, because if I did something wrong, she was never going to let me forget it (which is strange, as she really isn't all that talkative in the book...)

Then there are characters like Kaidyn. Kaidyn showed up in my plot without my realizing he was going to be there. Like Kaszet he was unplanned and was unnamed. Just a passing character. It was when he named himself that I realized I was in trouble.

Problem is, Kaidyn isn't nearly as chatty as Kaszet. In fact, I know only his name and who his father is. That's it. He's not giving anything else up. Not his age. Not his goals. And certainly not his role in the story. It's annoying. I've been sitting writing possible scenarios for him for hours in my notebook, and nothing feels right.

He makes me miss characters like Kaszet.

I won't give up on him, though. Despite his stubborn muteness, I know that he's going to be important. I just have to dig a little deeper. Question him a little harder. Perhaps break a few fingers. But eventually I will figure out why he jumped into my story.

Characters. Can't live with 'em, can't write a book without 'em. Go figure.

Brainstorming, Plots and Word Mongering

2011-05-15T21:29:00.000-06:00

Remember English class in High School? When your teacher would give you an assignment of writing a short story and caution you to hand in your Brainstorming because you would lose marks if you didn't? I do. I remember because I never handed in my brainstorming. This would probably have something to do with the fact that I never did my brainstorming. Just sat down and wrote, then handed it in. I'd get it back every single time with red words scrawled across about how next time I needed to hand in my brainstorming. I didn't care. I hated doing it. I though it was a waste of my time.

I LOVE brainstorming. I do it all the time. Right now, in fact, I have no less than three notebooks on my desk with brainstorming from three different projects scrawled inside. Why am I telling you this? So that you can understand that as I'm writing my newest novel, I have come to realize that writing, like anything else you do, is a learning process.

I'm not certain why I always thought that writers knew exactly what they were doing the first time they put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard, as it may be) but I did. I was so certain of this, in fact, that before November I never let myself finish anything I started simply because I assumed it was utter crap. (Don't get me wrong, it was utter crap. I recently had the utter horror...uh...absolute pleasure...of reading a story I wrote about five years ago. Let's just say I'm sorry that anyone ever read it...)

I also found I was getting stuck on decision. (I should tell you, I'm actually quite indecisive. It took me about two months to make up my mind to start a blog. Why? Who knows. But here we are.)

Anyway, my point is that I have discovered the answer to both of these walls that I had built up in my head. Just as I learned how important brainstorming can be (especially when a character I did not plan shows up in my books and somehow ends up being important, but I don't know why), I've learned how to get over these other hurdles.

Plotting, something I barely gave any thought to before, has now become what I spend a lot of time doing now. Each of my books is meticulously planned out before I start writing. (I'd like to point out that I say meticulous, but what I mean is, I think I know what's going to happen and then I actually write it and it all goes to hell...just saying, but don't expect your characters or your stories to go exactly to plan. It wont.) I do this so that I don't have to stop in the middle of my writing groove to make a vital decision that I should have known about before I started writing.

And word mongering. Aah, word mongering (For all you twitterites out there, that's the hashtag #wordmongering) A fantastic group of people that get together via twitter every hour on the hour to write as much as we can for half an hour than compare word counts. It's fantastic.

For those of you that worry about us turning writing into a competition, let me reassure you now. While we are competitive, it is a friend competition. While we compare and one person may get bragging rights, the point is to support each other, not knock each other down. Also, some of us...not saying who...just some of us apparently respond to competition. Don't knock it 'till you try it!

Word mongering allows me to turn off my brain (not too far off, I am still writing after all. Just enough to make my inner editor shut up) enough to get the words on the page. And, despite my one time belief of first drafts being perfect, I have come to embrace the very idea behind NaNoWriMo: You can edit crap. You can't edit nothing. Getting those words on the page is the first step. You can fix your mistakes later.

Happy Brainstorming.

Milestones

2011-05-14T21:46:00.000-06:00

Welcome to the first blog from me. Epic Robot Danni. That's right. Epic robot.

I suppose I should start with an explanation. Epic Robot. I know what you're thinking. Huh? Where did I get that from. Let me tell you. In November I participated in something called NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) or as you writers probably call it : The month where all normal life activities (aside from eating and sleeping...though less on the sleeping) comes to a sudden screeching halt.

For those of you who are not writers, NaNoWriMo's goal is to write 50,000 words in the month of November. So how does that tie in with my nickname? Well...I wrote 150,000 words in November and was awarded Calgary's most likely to become a nano robot award. Then when it was mentioned that I should add 'Epic' to the title (after a particularly productive wordmongering session) I couldn't help myself.

Hence Epic Robot was born. That's me!!

Now that you know a little bit more about me, let's talk about the blog, shall we? I've come to the realization as of late that I may need a way to get away from the actual serious writing and do something a little bit more fun. Maybe even where I can post my progress and see if anyone (at all) cares. Plus, everyone and their dog has a blog, and I was beginning to feel left out.

So, here we are. With a brand new blog, all shiny and pretty and named awesomely, and I'm left with the final question that I probably should have thought of first: What the hell am I going to write about?

Writing. Yep. Writing. More specifically, my writing. Or, of course, anything that randomly pops into my mind after reading other blogs (which happens.) But mostly it's going to be about the milestones of writing. All of my firsts as a writer.

First #1: Finish a novel (completed in November 2010)
First #2: Edit a novel to a second draft (completed December 2010)
First #3: Enter a novel in ABNA (completed January 2011)

So far that's all I've got for firsts (For any of you that care, I made it to the top 250 of ABNA out of 5000 in the YA portion before being kicked out. Not bad for a first attempt!) I have many other firsts that I look forward to (including sending out my first query letter...scary) and I'm hoping to share my journey with you.