Motivation, Thou Art Fickle

Well, it happened.  The thing I knew was going to happen.  How did I know?  Because it always does.  I always fall prey to the mindset of not wanting to do anything for a single day.  And that single day somehow always follows the day when I was too busy to finish all of my work.  And where does that leave me?

Behind.  That's where it leaves me.  I'm supposed to be finishing up chapter 10 today during my editing challenge, and instead I'm stuck on chapter 6 (which requires rewrites) and I shouldn't be.  Because yesterday I had the entire day to work, and instead I chose to watch TV shows.

Now, you might think, how is it that I could just decide to watch TV shows and not feel guilty over not doing the work I promised myself to do?  The answer to that probably isn't what you think.  I do feel guilty.  Unfortunately guilt doesn't seem to keep my motivation in overdrive.  It just makes me wallow.  And when I wallow, I don't get any work done, I just keep putting it off more and more until suddenly I find myself piled under a mountain of work that I would have been able to get through if I hadn't been so damn lazy.

Don't get my wrong, I'm not complaining.  I did this to myself, just like I always do.  And I'm going to try and make sure that I get the work done today.  (This means editing 5 chapters -- at least -- writing one epiphany, and this blog post.)  At least I've gotten started before it's dark outside.

Unfortunately, now is when my brain has actually started to feed me information about the novel I'm currently planning.  (I don't know a whole lot about it yet, but I can tell you that it's set two hundred years in the future where only the very rich own cars, and most people travel around via teleportation pads.  The main character is a spy who has been forgotten and has taken to drink and sleeping around to forget .)  The problem with that is that I need to have Stolen Magick edited to a second draft by the end of January.  The other novel isn't going to even be written until June at the earliest, so why am I focusing on something that doesn't need to be done for a couple more months?

Okay, maybe I've slipped in to complaining a little bit.  Sorry.

Anyway, I'm once more recommitting myself to my goals.  I need to get this book editing.  I've promised myself that I'm going to plan, write and edit four complete novels this year, and damn it, I'm going to do it!  I just have to make sure that the motivationless days don't come around very often.  I have things to do, and if that means that I can't always keep up on all of the shows that I love, well so be it.

This is what I want to do with my life, and I'm not going to let a little bit of laziness get in my way.  So it's back to the YA for me.  I've got some words to wrestle into shape.

Do you ever find yourself unable to stay motivated?  How do you force yourself to keep working?

Productivity. Who Knew?

Have you ever had one of those weeks where things just seem to get done, and you're never quite sure how you managed it?

That's my month so far.  I mean, I've written three short stories (all of which have made their way into my Shiny New Idea book for future series...) I've managed to make blog posts every single time that I needed to make one (even when they are late.)  I've gotten my critiques done early both weeks. (I'm already done the one that I need for Monday.  I'm never done this early!) and I've actually started editing Pandora.  I did chapter 5 for critique group, but have finished chapter 6, rewritten chapter 7 and have looked over chapter 8, which will probably be actually started tomorrow.  I've also managed to finish the planning of one of the novels I will be writing in November.

Normally I have a hard time getting motivated to do these kinds of things.  It isn't unusual to see me rushing to finish my critiques Sunday night when I realized that they weren't done yet.  Or for me to submit sub par chapters because I didn't spend nearly enough time on them.  I should probably apologize to my critique group for that, actually...

Anyway, the point of it is, I'm somehow motivated this month, though I really don't know why.  It could be because I was already planning on editing this month, but wasn't able to because my beta readers have unfortunately not gotten back to me yet.  Or it could be because I know that I'll be writing again next month, and I won't have time to get caught up on all of these things once I start doing that.

Honestly, I don't know, and I'm not sure I actually care.  I know, I know.  If I know what's keeping me motivated, I might actually figure out a way to keep myself motivated for the rest of the year.  I'm just afraid that if I figure it out, the magic might wear out.  (Don't laugh!  It's possible...) What then?  How do I go about figuring out yet another way to motivate myself?

Just to explain how weird it is, let me put this into perspective for you.  I bought two new books yesterday.  One by my favourite author Kelley Armstrong.  I've barely touched it.  I only read on the bus on the way to and from work.  Normally I would have had that book done by now.  Trust me.

Or, let's talk about the editing.  Normally it's a struggle to just get through a single chapter.  To force myself to sit down and read it over then put in the edits.  You all know this.  All you have to do is look at my very last blog post where I talked about the fact that I was back to editing.  When I finished rewriting chapter 7, all I could think about what what I  needed to do to fix chapter 8, and actually wanted to look through it right then and there.  I had to do a critique first, but I've also finished going through it.

Does that put it into perspective for you?  I don't know where it's coming from, but it makes me happy. I'm glad to be motivated.  To get all of this done and not have to worry about it so much.  I'm already freaking out too much over The Commons, so having other things to work on while waiting for the much anticipated beta reader feedback has been really helpful.

So, I've decided not to look this gift horse in the mouth.  I'm going to continue being productive for as long as I can.  I want to get as much done this month as I possibly can before heading into an extremely busy month in August.  (Last year I didn't complete the August session of camp nano, so I'm hoping to do much better this year.)

Do you ever have problems with motivation?  How do you get past it?

***I'm currently collecting donations for OLL (Office of Letters and Light) who hosts NaNoWriMo every year.  My goal is $500 and I've already hit 60% of that.  I need your help to complete my goal, however.  Help me raise money for the organization that single-handedly helped me to figure out jthat I'm a writer.***

The Journey Continues

Well, it's not two thirds of the way through the July session of Camp Nano 2012.  At the beginning of the month many people took up the challenge to write fifty thousand words, willing to put aside their daily lives in an effort to accomplish this feat.  Each of them was excited, nervous and determined to accomplish this seemingly impossible goal that they set out for themselves.

I, personally, love the idea of Camp Nano.  It gives us months other than November where we have the excuse to cast off the obligations of every day life and focus on our writing.  Unfortunately, as it's only the second year that OLL has offered Camp Nano, it still isn't nearly as popular as the much loved original November session of NaNoWriMo.  It's not quite the all out affair November is.

As a result, many of those determined writers have suddenly realized that they don't have enough time left in the month to finish those stories.  I believe that even now those who have fallen behind have the time to complete their novels, but another disease has spread throughout many of those brave writers.  Loss of motivation.

While I've heard that the second week is always the hardest to get through, I'm starting to feel like maybe the third week has it's own hardships.  People are finishing their novels and not feeling the need to continue on.  So those writers that aren't done lose a little bit of that support and excitement that has kept them going for this long.

Our novels are getting to the point where we've lost all hope of them being good, but we're still pushing through them, repeating to ourselves the mantra that we've developed by taking these crazy journeys through the landscapes of the worlds we've created.  'You can edit crap, you can't edit nothing.'

Now is the time when we need to band together.  For those of us that are ahead, it's up to us to encourage those that are behind.  For those that are behind, it's up to you to use that encouragement and find that lost motivation.  Because, even though writing is a solitary activity, Camp Nano brings us together as a community to push us through the hardest part of writing: getting through that first draft.

While I'm ahead for the month, I was hoping to do a lot more.  I'm only about 30k into my current novel, which means I need another 70k to finish it.  Like many others, though, I seem to have been contracted the loss of motivation.  Mine, of course, could potentially be because I finished what I thought I would at the beginning of the month.  I started a second book for the fun of it, but with no plan I appear to be stalling out.  The competition I'd managed to find at the beginning has disappeared.  Now I find myself listless.  Unwilling to continue writing knowing that I've already finished what I set out to accomplish.

I know I'm going to have to push through this feeling.  Just sit down and get writing.  I can do it.  I've done it before, and I'll probably do it again.

In the mean time, I intend to support any of my fellow campers who are behind but still want to finish.  I believe that every writer has this fifty thousand words in them, and I hope to see every one of them cross the finish line.

Until then, though, I have some writing to do of my own.  Good luck, fellow writers!  I hope to see you at the finish line.  Breathless, tired and ready to give up, but triumphant and ready to continue on the journey that Camp Nano has put us all on.

So Little Time

My goal, as can be seen by looking at my progress before section, is to have The Commons to a completed second draft so that I can send out to my beta readers by the fifteenth.  That's a whole nine days away, and guess how far I am from finishing it?

If you guessed not anywhere near close, you were right!  I'm stuck around chapter 22 (in which I have to rewrite the first scene) of 35.  In the last two days I've barely gotten anything done.  It's a sad fact for me to admit, as I was actually planning on doing at least two chapters a day.  Of course, I was hoping to be done a bit early so I could take one more look over it and see if I missed anything, but that's definitely not going to happen now.

Nine days and thirteen chapters.  Which means I no longer have time to procrastinate.  I can't let myself get distracted by all the shows I want to watch.  I don't have the time to waste, anymore.  If I do get distracted, I'll end up missing my deadline.  And that's not something I'm willing to let happen.  If I don't get my manuscript out to my betas on time, then they wont get it back to me on time.  If I don't get it back in time, then I can't use the feedback to go through it one last time and start sending out queries.

It's the domino effect, writer style.

Now, I suppose you're asking: 'What does it matter if you get your queries out on time?'.  That's a very good question to ask.  The answer is, I was really hoping to do both Camp Nano sessions being held this year.  I also need to plan out the novels I'll be writing during nanowrimo.  If my editing isn't done, and if the queries aren't sent out, then I have to sacrifice one of those things.

In June I'll be taking part in the first session of Camp Nano, where I'll be writing Pandora, I book that I was supposed to write about a month ago.  Procrastination got the better of me then too, and I only managed 25,000 words in the time I should have been able to write 100,000 words.  I've been trying to figure out a way to get motivated when it's no nano...but that's another post.


The point of the matter is, I've already put off writing this novel once.  I can't do that to the characters again.  They've been awfully patient while I've been editing.  Mostly because I promised them that I would be finishing their story in June.  I'm afraid of what would happen if I tried to put it off again.  There might be a riot.

In August, I'm hoping to write The Techs which is the second book in The Commons series.  I've just barely begun to plan it, but I already have a bit of the story line going on, so I'm getting excited.  Of course, I don't want to write the novel until I'm completely done editing the first one.  I'm a little too wary of the changes that I could make which would mean far more work in editing the second one.  I've done that once, and I'll never do it again.

In August I'll need to write about 100,000 words.  I'll have even less time to work on the novel which should, by then, be completed. 

After that comes the planning for the three novels I'm going to be writing during nanowrimo.  Yes, three.  I'm a little crazy like that.  I'll only have two months instead of the planned three.

All of this means that I only have so much time to get my editing done.  I only have so much time to get my queries out.  And I don't have time to be acting like I have all the time in the world.

Nine days to finish thirteen chapters.  It's going to be tight, but I think I can do it.  What's my motivation?  In November I'll be taking a trip down to San Francisco to go the The Night Of Writing Dangerously.  And when I'm down there introducing myself to people, I don't want to tell them that I'm still working on the novel that I'm going to be sending out real soon.  I want to tell them that I have queries out and waiting for responses.  Or maybe, just maybe, that I found an agent

Teaming Up

My multiple projects have been the subject of a couple of my posts now, and it seems that this one is going to be no different.  Probably because I'm starting to feel a little overwhelmed by how much work I've managed to create for myself.  The fact that I actually want to add more projects to that list is really not the point.  The point is that despite how much I have on the go, I have yet to get anything completed.

I'm not the only one with this problem.  A friend of mine on twitter recently commented on a post a made.  It was a random one about having to finish my critiques before going away for the weekend.  She asked if I could look over some of her work, and I happily agreed (because I'm not nearly busy enough, I need to add a couple of more things to my schedule).  She told me that she wasn't close enough to being finished right at that moment, but she would be eventually.

The conversation went on in that direction for a while until she said something about another twitter friend telling her she needed to actually finish a project.  Pick one thing and actually focus on it.  It was so close to my own situation where I just keep project hopping, and never really settling in to get one done, that I couldn't help but tell her I had the same problem.

Of course, us being the writers we are, this realization that we had the same problem when it came to our writing quickly escalated into us have Wonder Twin-Multitaskers Powers.  Don't ask, it was late.

Anyway, while this may seem like nothing more than a random conversation, it was a lot more than that because of what came out of it: accountability.

I don't exactly have a great track record when it comes to being accountable to myself.  I tend to let myself off the hook more often than not, and that leads to things like entire weekends being spent getting caught up on TV shows as opposed to writing the book I was already 40,000 words behind on (no...that book is still not finished.  I no longer have and ETA on that, but I'm hoping eventually, as I have some serious plans for that series.)

Anyway, the point is, it was obviously not working.  Finishing a project isn't the same as doing something like nano.  There I have a chart I have to update daily, I have a word count goal that pretty much everyone in the city whose doing nano knows about.  I have other people working toward that same goal (Yeah, okay, maybe not exactly the same...theirs might be just a bit lower than mine...) that I can compete with to keep myself going.  Right now, though?  Right now I have nothing to keep that motivation.  And if I'm slacking on keeping myself accountable, nothing is ever going to get done.

That's where Moni comes in.  Since she's been having the same problems as me, we've decided to team up.  Create a system where we will be accountable to each other, and with any luck that will be what we need to get our projects moving forward again.

Of course, we haven't started yet.  With travelling over the weekend and critique group, not to mention the fact that we're in different time zones, we've decided to try and get started on Tuesday.  I'm hopeful that this will work.  There's nothing more encouraging than knowing there's another writer out there working on their projects at the same time as you and struggling just as much with the same issues.

Come Tuesday we'll see if we can actually get our projects done.  (I will be working on The Commons and getting it ready to be sent out, even though Pandora isn't done being written yet.  I would love to spend all of my time in Jayne's world, but it's really not fair to characters and plots I've already started.  Only once The Commons is out to beta readers will I allow myself to be pulled back into Pandora. Sorry Jayne.)

I will, however, be doing Camp Nano in June this year.  I don't know yet if I will just be writing the end of Pandora or if I will be writing something new.  I need to see how quickly I can get through my editing.  Either way, though, I'm glad that I found another writer than can hopefully help me through the multitasking cycle of starting a new project without finishing the last.

My Half Eaten Sandwiches

Ever since I was introduced to the idea of unfinished novels being like half eaten sandwiches, I honestly haven't been able to get the image out of my mind.  Someone wandering around with a sandwich in their hand munching away happily.  Suddenly a new sandwich appears, and they find themselves questioning whether they like the sandwich they're currently eating at all.  It doesn't take too much to convince them to put down that half eaten sandwich, pick up the new one and continue on their way, only to discover a new sandwich.

That is the very definition of me as a writer.  I have a long trail of half eaten sandwiches.  All of them ditched for something that seemed shinier or more interesting.  All of them, I'm sure, having some kind of potential that I just couldn't see.

I can already feel this very thing happening with one of the novels that I'm currently working on.  The Commons is a YA dystopian I wrote during nano.  I loved this book while I was planning it, I loved it while I was writing it, and I loved it after the first draft was done.

So what's the problem?  The same problem that I have every single time I finish a first draft.  I can't seem to get through the editing.

I know you've all heard me bitching about editing before, and I'm sure you'll hear it again (as it is my least favourite part of the writing process) but it is unfortunately what is currently holding me back as a writer.  It's what's keeping me from getting a novel to a draft where I can feasibly send it out to agents/publishers and try to take that step forward into actually becoming an author.

Ironically, I used to think that I could never finish a novel.  As in, writing the first draft.  I spent years beginning stories only to pretend that never happened.  Denying all the while that I did, in fact, have a story in me that I wanted to tell.  It took nano to make me realize that this was something I could, in fact, do.  That writing a novel wasn't just for those favourite authors whose stories I fell in love with.  I could do it too.

Out there somewhere I'm sure there's something that could motivate me just as much for editing, but so far I have yet to find it.  And without motivation, I've found the process of editing tedious and frustrating (just as I'm sure most writers do.  I believe it has something to do with writing being a creative process and editing being analytical.)

What I have to do is just sit down and force myself to do it.  To get the editing over with so that I can hold a completed manuscript in my hand.  To finally look at something I've written and think 'that's it!  I'm done!  It's ready to be seen.'

Which means that all of those sandwiches that keep appearing, shiny and new and looking oh so tasty, are going to have to be put on the back burner.  No matter how exciting they seem, or how much I want to write them, I need to finish, actually completely finish, a novel.  Time to finish one of these sandwiches!

Anniversary of a Monger

As many of you know (and as I often preach) if you're looking for a writing community, you don't have to look any further than twitter.  If you know the right hashtags, you can find the greatest people willing to push you forward and not let you give up on whatever novel you're currently working on.  I find almost nothing as helpful as this community when I'm trying to get through my work.  Especially editing.  While I may not get it all done, I get far more done thanks to the support of those people.

Wordmongering is the first of these hashtags that I ever used.  Unlike the generic writing hashtag, this group has a specific goal.  You write from the top of the hour to the half hour then compare word counts.

Some of you may wonder what's so fantastic about that.  As someone who thrives on competition, I can tell you, it's amazing.  Through wordmongering I have managed to get my average words up to about 2000 in every half hour (during november I was actually beating that number, but I'm far more motivated during november than any other month of the year)

I've met amazing people there.  People who have offered to beta read for me, though that book was sadly shelved.  I've met people who have forced me to type faster and faster in the hopes of catching up to them.  (My nickname may be robot, but there are still others out there who can get more words crammed into that half hour span than me.)

This hashtag (along with its counter editmongering, which I really should be paying more attention to right now as I'm in the middle of editing a novel) was born just over a year ago.  It was started by one Moni-Marie Vincent.  Of all of the people in the hashtag, she's the most supportive.  More often than not you can see her in there writing furiously, (or editing, of course).  Even if she's not working on anything, she's in there cheering on everyone else.

Wordmongering is what kept me writing after my first nano.  It was a home I found that made sure I was writing everyday.  It kept me from giving up on the dream I've developed where I get published.  If there was one hashtag that I would want every writer who might have issues with motivation, or concentration, to have, it would be Wordmongering.

Editmongering, on the other hand, is held between the half hour mark and the hour mark.  Officially, anyway.  I've found that more often than not people just hang out there while they're editing.  It's a lot harder to log how much editing you've done, so this way you can still hang out with some fantastic writers while doing what you have to in order to get your novel in shape.

I should warn you, editmongering tends to have more people complaining, but I'm of the firm belief that editing requires complaining.  No one can cheerfully tear their own writing apart then put it back together, can they?  Well, I can't, anyway.  So maybe it's just me.

Anyway, while I don't have any amazing stories for editmonging, I'm actually pretty sure that has a lot to do with the fact that I don't use this hashtag nearly as much as I should.  Because I am really good at procrastinating on editing.  In fact, if I have any excuse to not edit, I will definitely use it.

I wanted to say happy anniversary to Wordmongering and Editmongering.  I can't tell you how much you have helped me to accomplish.  Thank you for everything you've done!

Shiny New Ideas

First things first.  I must give props and respect to both L. S. Taylor and J. Larkin for getting some queries out and officially starting out Epic Year of Querying.  Much as I hate the fact that I'm losing (I may be just a little competitive...) I love that we have some numbers up there!  Can't wait to see how well we do with these queries this year.  (Especially once the rest of use get our acts together and get them out there.)

Moving on.  This week I have managed to not get any editing done.  You may recall in my last post I talked about how I had to rewrite about 13 chapters in the last half of my novel.  I wasn't exactly looking forward to all of the extra work, of course, but I also wasn't planning on never getting around to it.

In the last week I have caught up on three or four shows I've been putting off since November.  I've started reading a book that I just got in and is the sequel to a book I really liked. I've cleaned my room and organized all of my writing stuff.  I've set up the new printer my boyfriend bought me.  I even just barely managed to get the two critiques I need for tomorrow done.  (The feedback I give to the other three that I don't need to critique are barely started, however)

After that, why don't we all take a wild shot in the dark about how much editing I've gotten done.

None.  Zilch.  Nada.  Zero.  I haven't even brought my manuscript with me in an effort to make it look like I might be getting some editing done.  Oh no.  Instead it's sitting on my desk awaiting the arrival of my motivation (which I'm seriously starting to think is on an extended vacation.)  Two months after nano, and I still can't get my motivation together enough to carve my novel into something that people actually want to read.  The fact that the first half of it is out with beta readers doesn't even begin to touch the motivation I need to gather up in order to get those chapters done.

So why is it that I don't have this motivation?  Well, I think I've got a pretty good idea.

Back in November, I ordered a journal from nano.  I love it.  It features a sturdy cover, plenty of lined paper, an elastic to keep it closed and a place to store a pen.  The outside reads 'There's a book in you that only you can write.' A quote by the one and only Chris Baty.  I took one look at this journal, and I knew exactly what I wanted to do with it.  This book was going to be the place where I wrote down all of those shiny new ideas that I can't get to while I'm working on other things.  They don't have to be good ideas, just anything that's occurred to me.  Then, when I have time to write another novel, I can just flip through it and see which ideas stand out.

This has been working pretty well, but there's one tiny problem.  One of the ideas that I recorded in this book is not letting me shut it away.  The main character is more vocal than the characters from a series that I've written two books in!  She doesn't go away.  She just keeps talking and talking.  Telling me details about her life, which I don't want to know yet.

It's distracting.  All I want to do is sit down and write it all out.  I want to work out what's going on with her, and who the antagonist is.  I want to know more about her love interest (who isn't yet named.)  I want to see where the book goes, and what kind of plans I can come up with for future books.  I want to write her story.

Unfortunately, I also know that I have to finish this editing, because I need to start querying this year.  No ifs, ands or buts about it.  This is the year that I am going to get my stuff out there.  Whether it's liked or not, people are going to see it.

So the guilt doesn't let me work on the new project, but with my mind so distracted by it, I can't work on the old project.  The combination of the two are leaving me with no motivation to do anything but catch up on shows that I have been wanting to catch up on for months.

Next week, though, I can't let myself fall back into this pattern.  I want this book out by the end of april.  That means I need to get it to my beta readers by the beginning of February at the latest.  Sorry Jayne, but I can't listen to you right now, much as I might want to.  I have to get back to what I was doing.

I'm going to throw all of my shiny new ideas back into my book and leave them there.  Ignore those voices and hope they're willing to talk again when I'm done.  Much as I love telling new stories, I don't want to do it at the cost of my old stories.  I can't give up because there's too much work involved.  I need to keep going no matter what, and I'm going to do that starting tomorrow!

Killing Our Characters

The killing of characters can be a sad or happy occasion. I recently wrote a scene where I killed a character that I happened to like. Unfortunately, it had to happen. Her death is the catalyst for one of my other characters realizing that she's really not in a good situation. It's the reason that she leaves that situation. If her death didn't happen, my main character couldn't learn what she needs to learn, and the story would never move forward.

The problem is that, as I was writing the scene, I wanted to cry. I wanted to put the book down and walk away. Pretend I had never written that scene and act like she was still alive. That's what I do when I'm reading a book, so why can't I do that when I'm writing it?

Characters, much as we may not like to admit it, are just tools that writers have to use. Yes, my characters are now all yelling at me about how they're not just tools, and how dare I refer to them as such, but we all know it's true. They're how we tell a story, and sometimes that means that we have to kill them. Or have something horrible happen to them. (And now they're all cowering in a corner and promising to be good if I just don't kill them. Too bad for them I'm a particularly morbid author, and plan and killing most of the Muahahah!!)

*Ahem* anyway. The point of the matter is that it's a necessary evil. Our characters have to sometimes be killed for either a plot point, or to motivate another one of our characters. It must be done! And what you need to remember (okay...and maybe I need to remember too) is that those reactions that we're having, where we're practically crying or just plain angry that we had to do it, that is what our readers are going to have too. They're going to be the ones crying, or throwing their books across the room and declaring that they're pissed and how dare we (as the authors) kill off their favorite character. Do we even realize what we have done?

That is what motivates me to continue. Despite all the protesting from the characters who die in my head. Or the other characters telling us that we can't do that to them. What are they going to do without that other character? I keep reminding myself of what it will be like the first time someone tells me that they threw their book across the room. (Which is a good thing for me...as that's what I do when I'm angry at something in a book)

More than anything I want to evoke emotions in my readers. I want them to cry, to yell at the books, to throw them. Whatever they have to do. I don't care. I just want people to feel what I felt when I wrote it.

That is the goal of any writer.

Is It Hot In Here? Cause My Motivation Evaporated...

So, remember how I said that my motivation is competition? Don't worry, I didn't lie to you. If there is competition, I'm willing to up my word count. I'm willing to spend hours at my desk, causing back aches and wrist weakness, just so that I keep that number one spot and don't let anyone pass me. And if someone starts to get close, you can bet that my next day off is going to be spent trying to get as many words as I can so that I'm not worried about them passing me while I'm at work.

Unfortunately, there's a rather nasty side effect. When people start dropping further and further behind me, and I no long have someone telling me that they're going to beat me no matter what it takes, all of that motivation suddenly evaporates. Like it wasn't even there. Suddenly I”m negotiating with myself. Telling myself that I increased my original goal, so if I don't hit my new goal it'll be fine. I don't really need to catch up. I can come in 10k behind. It will all be alright!

And yet, no matter how many of those conversations I have with myself (I swear I don't answer myself back...okay...maybe I do...) I can't quite convince myself that I wont fee disappointed at the end of the month when I'm not sitting at 300k. Because I know I will. I know that I'll think I could have done better. Especially since nothing really has come up. No emergencies that have dragged me kicking and screaming (or just a little too willing) from my keyboard. Not even an unexpected day at work. Instead, I'm just not quite as willing to stay up late to get the word count. Or to give up my shows so I have more time to write.

I need the motivation back. I need people to come on the chat and outright challenge me to a word duel (I'll even take a handicap, I swear.) I need to get that excitement and drive back so that I can finish this nano with a bang, rather than limp across the midnight finish line unable to hold my word count up as what I wanted to do.

Or maybe I just need to stop watching the shows that distract me from my characters, and bury myself in their world. Put myself in their shoes and let that drive me for a while. It works for other writers, why not me? I can change my motivation!

In the mean time, though, I think I'll continue to hang around the chat until someone comes along to word war with. Then I'll start writing.

Live And In Person

Today I went to a write in for NaNoWriMo. That means that a bunch of people in our region got together to get some writing done.

The first time I went to one, I was so nervous. I remember changing my mind about going multiple times until I finally decided I was going to do it no matter what. Then when I got there I was super shy, hung out at my table (which they had to set up when I got there because there was no more room left) and then we did a word war. Which I, of course, thought was fantastic, until they started going around giving word counts and I realized that I had a word count that was about double what everyone else was giving and I had to frantically recount just to make sure I wasn't lying.

I hadn't gotten it wrong, of course, hence how I ended up with my current nickname. But at the time, I was a nervous wreck, certain I was going to do something wrong.

I learned something useful that day. A few things, really. First (and most important) you can't 'do something wrong' at a write in. Well, you can, but only if you do it on purpose. Second, write ins help out a lot.

Not only did that one write in add competition to the whole concept of writing, but it also helped me to realize just how many people were out there writing. How many people gave up their Novembers to the insanity that is Nano. And it also made me realize that, yes, there are other people like me out there. People who have characters talking to them, and for the first time, I really fit in.

Now I go to every single write in. The ones during November, the ones during the rest of the year, because I belong now. I've found a place for myself, and I couldn't be more ecstatic. Not all write ins are productive, of course. Some are more for the purpose of catching up with other people that you have met in your journeys. But I find that even when I'm at one of these write ins where more talking than actual writing happens, it's helpful. To hear everyone's word counts, or see someone running up to that bell to ring it. I love it all, and it motivates me to write more than anything else in the world (aside from competition, of course...) It doesn't really matter, because it's those write ins that keep me going throughout the month.

Today happened to be a very productive write in. This was thanks, in large part, to a longer time frame. (Because of previous issues we had to change the venue, and in order to get tables, we had to get there early. Then the new venue gave us a room, instead of tables and we didn't, but we had already decided to go, so it ended up being 5 hours long.) But it was also thanks to the mass amount of word wars that we did.

Normally we're at a restaurant, and people are ordering food, and there's a lot of table hopping. Today felt more like we were getting down to business. We did word war after word war, and I don't think there is a single person who went today (who joined in the wars) that went home thinking about how unproductive they had been.

And the greatest part was all the new faces. People who have never been to write ins before came out in full force, and I couldn't help but remember my first write in, and hope that theirs was just as good as mine.

If you don't go to write ins in your region, trust me, they're worth it. They're filled with crazy writers who all complain about their characters and give you quirky nicknames. They're awesome. And they will push you forward, even when you're struggling or behind. And maybe, just maybe, you'll push someone else too, and realize that nano isn't just about getting those words down. It's about the community around you. Put yourself out there. You wont regret it.

Turn That Frown Into Words

Yesterday I was given a piece of bad news that brought my day completely down. Most of the time I'm a fairly happy person, but when something like that happens, I get all frustrated, and suddenly any motivation that I may have had (say, a friend who tells me that they're going to beat me this year) disappears.

When I got home yesterday I stared at my computer for a half hour before I realized that writing wasn't going to happen, as least not right away. Because, I knew that if the words started to flow, the frustration would go into it. Meaning that one of my characters (important characters that still have a lot of storyline to finish) would probably end up getting the brunt of it, and I wouldn't be surprised if they were killed. As that wasn't something I wanted to do, I thought maybe I needed a bit of a pick me up.

I'm rather ahead in my nanoing attempts this year, so I thought it would be alright to watch an episode of one of my favorite shows. The first episode, actually. And as hoped, it pulled me out of my dark mood and got me laughing. By the time it was over, I was starting to fell more like myself, and less like that scary person in the corner who looks like their about to explode if you so much as look at them.

Before I got started on writing, however, I decided to get some food, only to discover that the one thing I was looking forward to was out of the one item they should never be out of. While normally I might brush this off and move on with my day, that dark mood from earlier seemed to find this weakness encouraging and it quickly took hold again.

How did I pull myself out of it? I did the very thing I should have done right from the beginning. I launched myself into a word war. (And not just any word war. An hour long word war!) Pretty soon my mind had cleared, and I had managed to bury that dark mood.

No matter how we look at it, as writers, our sanctuary is the page. We may complain bitterly about our characters, and sometimes even have a block that we just can't seem to get over, but at the end of the day, if we need to have it out, it's in words. We let our emotions play out on the page.

Now I know better, of course. The next time a dark mood descends (though I'm hoping it's not for a while) I'm going to pull out the old laptop and let the words fly. I might get a few strange looks, but hey, it's who I am. And I've learned recently that we can't be happy unless we are true to ourselves.

What the Muse Wants...

When I started writing this year, I had a solid number in mind. A goal I wanted to hit before December first reared it's real life filled head and forced me out of the dream world I plan to live in for November. Granted this number is just a little bet higher than everyone else's, but the point of matter is, there was goal.

Something happened yesterday, however, that's making me question this number. And it's not what you think, because I'm not planning on bringing that number down. No, instead I want to add to it. Suddenly I feel like it's not high enough. That I'm sure I can fit a few more words in every day and hit an even higher number. How hard could that be, really, when I've already got a high goal?

So what made me do this? It's quite simple. Competition. This may sound stupid (in fact, I often question my own rationality skills) but when one of my writing buddies informed me yesterday that they were planning on surpassing me, this was where my mind went. I had to write more. I had to write faster, and I was not giving up.

Don't get me wrong, I wish my writing buddy all the luck in the world. More than anything I love to see people achieving their goals, and if that goal is to hit a high number in November, more power to them. The thing is, she found it. That one button that makes my motivation go through the roof. It was what made me write so many words last year, and it's what's going to keep me going this year.

I thrive on competition. More importantly, my muse thrives on competition. While I may already have my plots done, I assure you, the muse is still very important in my writing endeavors, and having someone challenge me just motivates both of us to keep writing.

Competition, however, is just one way for a person to motivate themselves to write. For some people, just setting a goal for themselves is all they need. For others a treat when they hit that goal is required. (For the record, I'm also planning on giving myself a treat if I hit my goal of 200k this month.) No one is the same, whether it be their style of writing, their speed of writing, or how they motivate themselves to write.

So how do you do it? What button do you need to push to keep yourself writing throughout the month?